nifty?: the liquid lapdance is mostly disturbing

Some things are weird and I think they're still a great idea, some things mostly bother me... the Liquid Lapdance Underwear is one of those bothersome things.

They're for guys headed to the strip club. They have some lube in them, and make it so you can "simulate sex" more while getting a special dance. [FYI this is extremely NSFW]

Guaranteed to finish or your money back?! So here's the question: Do you just walk around in your soiled underwear for the rest of the night?!

Also:

1. What does it feel like when you're walking around with wetness before the action?!
2. If it has "room to get a boner," is it gonna be all extra bulgy down there? We don't like being teased, fellas. 
3. IS THAT HOW LAPDANCES ARE NOW?! I need to step my game up.....

This is just gross. I can't imagine how it would be for the hours after getting done... Barf City. 

Please don't buy these... but if you're a perv and must... or need a good gag gift... here ya go. 

love,

elizabethany

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nifty: the shitten is the new way to wipe

It's been a while since a product has literally left me speechless or just straight up shocked, but the whole existence of this one is just.... wow.

The Shitten... it's a wet, disposable mitten... that you wipe your ass with... so you "don't get caught brown-handed."

Brown-handed.

First of all, if you're getting poop on your hands when wiping, you're doing something wrong. Consult your parents, and yell at them for potty training you like that.

Now, if you really think this is something you can't get over... I guess you could consult the Shitten.

Of course they have Jenny McCarthy on the website saying they're awesome.... I don't even wanna imagine her trying to remove these damn things after she's used them though.

Seriously.. what in the eff is this?! Don't get it. Like ever... Unless you're using it as an extra protectant while changing a babies diaper... but I'll still judge you.

love,
elizabethany

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nifty: bras you need in your life now

Normally I'm the kinda girl that goes to Target and spends $10 whenever a new bra is needed... but these here booby pushers need to be in my life.

First up: The Boobypack. "The bra-fanny pack."



I mean, it's not really a fanny pack at all... it's just a tankini that stores your stuff... but I'm all for it! Plus, it comes in 'Merica design!

Probably the best part about them is that they're water resistant. You could take them to the beach or the pool, wear em as a bathing suit, and have all your stuff right up in your boobs [hopefully helping to push them up for added cleavage].

They're not super cheap, but let's be honest: You've spent more than this on purses and bathing suits separately.

Next: The light-up bra.



Sure, they're made for raves and crazy ragers, but I'm thinking about Halloween that's less than 3 months away. I'm also thinking about wearing these under a sheer shirt or really whenever I feel like being the life of a party/club, which is always.

Also: Imagine a full bachelorette party wearing these and the wigs?! How. freaking. great. 

I'm pretty sure they're worth every dollar of $55+, but you could also get your own bra and buy their lights to attach on your own. 

BONUS: They have light-up ties, hoodies, and fur. 

Okay, so both of things are targeted towards people who rave or go to EDM shows, but even if you don't- they're freaking great ideas. 

So uh... Sugar Daddy... where you at?

love,

elizabethany

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nifty: vibrating bike seat

My bike is getting more tricked out by the day. It already has the rack on the back, the basket, and a fancy paint job, but now I'm thinkin' it needs a vibrating bike seat.

Pause. Think about it. Vibrating. Bike seat.

It's real.

For about $43, you can be riding around in an all new comfort that you've probably thought of, but never looked into further.

It could probably be kinda dangerous to ride around with this along roads or places with traffic, but I say to do whatever your heart [or, ya know] desires.

You're welcome for introducing you to new things you can try.

love,
elizabethany

PS: Look at the picture that's associated with this story... BAHAHA.

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review: i finally tried wine ice cream

Late last year I found this amazing wine ice cream and I was all "ooohh, break me off a piece of that!" until I realized it's only available in select states.

Well, thanks to some amazing friends who came to visit from New York, I finally got to try the amazeballs invention that is Mercer's wine ice cream. [Thanks to some dry ice, which created a really eery scene in my sink.]

Turns out, Nugget really likes it. I think cats really do take after their parents. [I have one slut and one alcoholic, so you do the math.] Anyway, I just figured I'd sneak a picture of him in here. Now onto the review.

 First of all, they're all so freakin' creamy and smooth, it's easily one of my favorite ice cream textures ever of all time before I even taste it. When it comes to flavor, these are my favorites, in order [without any fancy wine tasting descriptions cuz I know nothing about that]:

1. Chocolate Cabernet: You'd think it'd be a no brainer that anything chocolate wins. Well, yes, it's winning... but I really don't like Cabernet. The chocolate definitely masks it for the most part, with just a slight after-taste of the wine. It also has delicious chocolate chip shreddings.
2. Red Raspberry Chardonnay: This one was a no brainer. I love fruity ice cream, I love Chardonnay, and this is delightful. The flavor is strong from both ends, but not too strong.
3. Port: I've never had this kind of wine, but considering the ice cream is purple and I normally fear purple things, I thought I'd hate it. It's definitely different, and not many people who have tried it liked it, but I do.
4. Riesling: It has no added flavor, and it doesn't need it. It tastes like a creamy Riesling, and that's not a bad thing. It's refreshing and tastes like you're drinking.
5. Peach White Zinfandel: I thought I'd love this one, but I just don't. I'm not sure if it's a weird White Zin flavor or that the peach throws me off, but this one will probably be a pretty full container for a while.

Pretty obvious which ones I've taken several extra bites from, huh? You might also be able to tell that the chocolate one is not nearly as creamy as the rest. Unfortunately, that's true.. but it's still damn good.

See? He loves it. Maybe I'll just give him the leftovers. 

My overall reaction: GET THIS. If you're having a girl's night or even just a night in alone, this is your perfect companion. If you don't live in New York, Texas, New Hampshire, Tennessee, or Vermont, you need to get some good friends who do, and make them visit you. 

love,

elizabethany

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nifty: tile will save your life and find your things

There are all sorts of things out there that claim to help you find anything you've ever lost... but I think I believe this one.

Welcome Tile... a little block you attach to anything, that connects to the Internets, which tell you exactly where it is and can even make noises to help you out.

I mean, I only needed to see like 15 seconds of that to know I needed one. Turns out, they're $19. To be honest, I don't have that in my budget... but when you think about it.. it could be saving you WAY more than that. I lose my phone and camera and debit card at least every other month.

This isn't an advertisement [although I wish it was cuz that would mean I'd have one of these things], but I feel like I'm gonna need to find a way to get at least a few of these. You probably should too.

love,
elizabethany

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nifty: sneaky booze in tampons and sunscreen

You know how much I love finding ways to sneak booze into anywhere... now there are a couple more genius ways to make it happen. Most of them are for my ladies.

Exhibit A: fake tampons.

No one will ever question whether or not it's tampons you have in a tampon wrapper, unless it's some bitchy woman who's just jealous you get to drink and she doesn't. Dudes won't know what each wrapper looks like, nor do they wanna come closer than 10 feet from them.

You can buy them for 4/$10, but I was also thinking it'd be pretty easy to make. I bet you can find a bunch of those tubes at a dollar store or Walmart, then just use real tampon wrappers so NO ONE questions you! Badabing!

Exhibit B: Sunscreen bottles

Also genius, because this can go pretty much anywhere too. And here's the thing... you could buy this diddy and the funnel for $10, or you could just empty/wash out your bottle when you're done with it! You could even cut off the fat end, empty it, then melt it with a lighter. BadaBOOM!

Exhibit C: Boobie stuffers

We've seen ways to hide alcohol in boobs several times, but why not one more?! Fill a flask, stick in in, all day long you'll have some gin. [Okay, that was a weird rhyme/ode to the find a penny thing...] 

You can actually buy all of these things in one pack for $28, which would be a damn good gift idea. [FYI my birthday was two weeks ago and I still haven't received your present...]

Happy drinking and saving money, y'all.

love,
elizabethany

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nifty: chocolate peanut butter beer

Normally the idea of chocolate flavored beer, alcohol, anything freaks me out... but after reading the review of this here "Sweet Baby Jesus" beer, I'm all about trying it. I mean... it's called SWEET BABY JESUS, if that's not enough of a reason.

Apparently it's a fantastic combination of flavors that makes your tongue think it's drinking a Reese's peanut butter cup. The best part: It's brewed in Maryland! That's like... practically Virginia, and probably means it's easy to find, right!?

Pretty much, yes! Just have to find a Du Claw location, and there are a few in Maryland, including BWI airport! Who's ready for a road trip?! cuz I'm already in the car and ready to go try it out.

[Okay, maybe not... but in my head I am.]

love,

elizabethany

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nifty: i will only drink heineken once this new bottle debuts

Heineken: not one of my favorite beers. Not even in the top ten-fifteen top options... but I'll tell you what.... If this here bottle that they're introducing is real life and available to everyone soon, it's all I'll be drinking.

Basically, they'll have a little plastic bottom that lights up every time you cheers someone, take a sip, or dance to some loud music. When you're being a lame and not drinking, the light is out. Don't let your light go out.

How FUN does that look?! Someone said "After the novelty wears off, the idea seems absurd. I mean, would you want a beer that lights up every time you took a sip of it?"

Simple answer: Hell to the YES! It'd be an instant party every time!

Someone tell me when this can be in my fridge and how much it's going to cost me... cuz it's going to happen.

love,
elizabethany

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nifty things you need for summer but will never afford

.... that is unless you have a sugar daddy, of course.

Anyone can say they're going to have the best summer ever, but let's be honest with ourselves... it can always get better. Until we have any of these things in our lives, we'll never have the best summer ever.

Mermaid suits

Totally customizable and ready for you to shock everyone at the beach. Imagine if you swim a little ways down the beach, then make yourself a "beached mermaid." OMG AND THE CROWD GOES WILD. And it might actually be affordable... for $350.

Inflatable Twister board

Maybe you're like, "it looks cool, but not that cool." Stop it. Have a couple beers. Put it on the water. Call the role of the spinner, and watch people play. You just got entertainment for days for $2000.

Pool rock climbing wall

I can't see how this is even remotely safe, besides the fact that you're landing in "soft" water, but hey! It looks like a freakin' blast! You'd instantly have the best pool on the block in the state. No more competing for the best pool party of the summer, you got this for at least $4,000.

Self controlled ski-boat

So ya wanna go skiing but you don't wanna get a boat yourself and all of your friends have the same excuse. Badda bing, badda boom! This little boat is easy enough for anyone, and it can pull you behind it at 40mph! Best part: The handle is a remote control, so you tell it where to go and what waves to catch for $17,000.

BBQ boat

WOAH BEST OF ALL WORLDS! You can cook out, not just by the water, but on the water, with 9 of your besties! The grill is on board and all the utensils/things you would ever need, plus it looks great. You can seriously amaze for $50,000... or for a little less get the hot tub boat!

Hidden pool

Pools definitely look gorgeous in a backyard, but sometimes ya just wanna put them away so you can let people walk around. Sometimes you want to make it a little more shallow when it's super cold. People will think you're the neatest of the neat with this diddy for $65,000.

And now prepare yourself for the Sports Park 60. AKA water playground.

SIXTY PEOPLE can play on this thing at once! and we're not talking kids. It's got trampolines, beams, ramps, jungle gyms, climbing walls, the blob, bars, mini boats... literally everything you could ever want for your entire life. It needs to be added to the list of things we need for our adult summer camp. I can't stop staring. It's beautiful. It's perfect. It's $70,000.

I don't know how many times I gotta ask for a Sugar Daddy until one finally shows up at my door, but I'll keep trying. I'd really enjoy being everyone's favorite person in the summertime... plus my birthday issss coming up....

love,
elizabethany

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how to: turn your graduation cap into a flask

Can we travel back in time four years, let me regraduate, but already know this little trick?!

Some genius named Dominique Zamora figured out how to turn your cap into a full functioning flask, drinking straw included.

Seriously, y'all..... Talk about ending your college career the right way! And if you go to a school where you have to wear the tassel, I'm sure it'd be plenty easy to attach it in a way to conceal the straw thing.

Someone do this. Like now. More details here. 

love,

elizabethany

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nifty: lingerie you control with your phone

You've seen it in movies and probably thought about it in your head as "the best invention ever," but now it's real life. Someone beat you to it.

Durex is introducing FUNdawear! It's perfect for long distance couples and ass**** couples alike. [Like if you wanna be a D and mess with your lady/man while they're in class or something...]



That video is mostly awkward, but I can see how this would be really great. Thankfully the bra and boxer briefs are attractive, too! Now we just need to work on those boy shorts....

Here's how it all works:



As someone who's been in a couple too many long distance relationships, I'll admit that I think this would be pretty fun to have. Even if it's not the most sexually healing device, it'd be hella fun to try. And funny.

Would you try it?



Right now it's only being experimented in Australia which is stupid. They're even hooking people up with 5-star hotels and dolla dolla bills just to give it a whirl.

love,
elizabethany

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nifty furniture you'll need for the coolest house ever

I spend hours a night on Pinterest looking at the coolest of the cool things that I could get to make my house the one everyone will want to visit this summer, so now it's about time I share them with you so we can have the same dream house. [But still come play at MINE, okay?!]

This my friends is a floppy disk coffee table, that lets you play with that metal piece you always used to as much as you want! Bonus: It could even be a work-out!

And THIS, is a fully functioning Nintendo controller coffee table! Just take the top glass off, hook it up to your system, and play away! Gaming fa dayzz!

Maybe your friends are a little lamer than you [or will steal your stash], so you need to hide your beer fridge near your bed... in a NIGHT STAND! 

Or we can just trip people out with this floating table cloth! Sure, they might figure out the secret eventually, but in the meantime you'll look all Casper-ific!

Now we need some seating...

I've always wanted a bean bag, but people told me I was crazy. Just LOOK at this thing! You can flop it around however you want and not even worry about it getting flat! Pretty sure people would fight over it. [In the good way.]

Finally, if you have a solid sugar daddy, this here rocking outdoor bed looks so freaking comfortable, but mostly fun! Imagine the sex... and the tricks... and the rocking/flipping. 

Okay, I guess some of those aren't exactly in my normal budget, but I can't resist adding them to my wish-list. Maybe someone will feel like donating to charity. [Me being the charity, for the morons.]

love,

elizabethany

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nifty?: urban outfitters is selling ridiculous 90s things now

I told myself I'd stay off the internet today and not believe a damn thing that is posted, but I'm assuming all of these things are actually for sale on Urban Outfitters website just because they've always embraced the weird and the 90s.

So... Take a little looksee at what they're assuming people will buy...

These light-up platform shoes for $180

This sweatshirt is actually pretty sweet, but it's $50

These velvet shoes that should only be worn as a costume are already sold out.

This sweet Power Rangers shirt is full nostalgia for $45

While this is totally Clarissa, Dawson's Creek, and Topanga approved, I'm not sure it's 2013 or pocketbook approved for $50

While these look comfortable, just NO... for $54. 

As for these... they're only appropriate for a gag gift, BUT they're $16. 

I really can't decide. Prank or not?! I feel like some of these could TOTALLY be real, while other have to be a jk. The shoes?! SERIOUSLY?! There's no way......

As much as I truly love the 90s, there are some things that don't need to be brought back... and most of these are some of those things.

love,
elizabethany

PS tune into my show tonight! Gonna be pranking lots of real-life people! One an hour on a commercial free show! Starts at 6, ends at 11!

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nifty: the bangle flask! and another way to conceal your alcohol

When I first saw this here flask, I about peed a little bit. Not that I ever wear bracelets, but someone's a genius for making one a flask! I could be girly and drunk! That's almost an oxymoron.

I present to you, the Bangle Flask.

It's a bit chunky, but that's worth it! What's not: The price tag. You gotta pay a whopping $225 for this diddy. Not okay, even if it is "designer."

So, I decided to find something else to conceal your alcohol and look great. Normally I'd say a brown bag around your bottle would be a little hobo'ish, but this here is a coozie... which obviously makes it okay!

And the cost for that?! Just $7. Totally in my price range. DEAL!

love,

elizabethany

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5 nifty children's toys you need to know about

Over the weekend, I spent some time with a 2 year old and watched her want to play with her daddy's iPhone and nothing else. iPhones and iPads are the new kids toys, duh.

So then I looked up some "up and coming children's toys" to see if they have anything good to offer. They do. Like things that adults would mostly like to play:

PERFUME SCIENCE: Forget all the kits we had growing up to make paper flowers or non-edible gummy creatures... kids are making their own perfume! And all this time I thought it was hard to get myself a personalized scent... [$60]

BEAR PONG!: It's been around for a couple years, but kids are playing because it's big enough for them to handle and play with [and for us to get reeeaaallll hammered]. Plus, kids obviously need to start practicing early in life. Beer Pong is no joke these days. [$70 or DIY way cheaper.]

Okay, we may not want the MUSTACHIFIER in our mouths, but you know you want your kid to look this adorable. I'd even let a 3 year old still use a pacifier if it was this one. [$10]

There are also some questionable toys that are being pushed into kids lives since the 2013 Toy Fair...

PLUSH ORGANS: Let them snuggle up with a testicle at night. Or an ovary. It's what they'll be doing when they're older, so again- why not now? 

GOOEY LOUIE: Because picking your nose is cool!....? I guess it's time to start letting people pick noses outside of the comfort of their car. My friend in college once told me: "A real friend will pick their BFF's nose for them." Say hello to your kids' new BFF.

I also took note of this little girl's doll named "Doc McStuffins." Apparently Disney shows now sound like pornos. We will be playing "DISNEY or PORN" on the show this week.

Basically... take the igadgets away and let them start picking noses... and practicing the real skills they'll need when college rolls around.

love,
elizabethany

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