Tuesday, June 4, 2013

nifty things you need for summer but will never afford

.... that is unless you have a sugar daddy, of course.

Anyone can say they're going to have the best summer ever, but let's be honest with ourselves... it can always get better. Until we have any of these things in our lives, we'll never have the best summer ever.

Mermaid suits

Totally customizable and ready for you to shock everyone at the beach. Imagine if you swim a little ways down the beach, then make yourself a "beached mermaid." OMG AND THE CROWD GOES WILD. And it might actually be affordable... for $350.

Inflatable Twister board

Maybe you're like, "it looks cool, but not that cool." Stop it. Have a couple beers. Put it on the water. Call the role of the spinner, and watch people play. You just got entertainment for days for $2000.

Pool rock climbing wall

I can't see how this is even remotely safe, besides the fact that you're landing in "soft" water, but hey! It looks like a freakin' blast! You'd instantly have the best pool on the block in the state. No more competing for the best pool party of the summer, you got this for at least $4,000.

Self controlled ski-boat

So ya wanna go skiing but you don't wanna get a boat yourself and all of your friends have the same excuse. Badda bing, badda boom! This little boat is easy enough for anyone, and it can pull you behind it at 40mph! Best part: The handle is a remote control, so you tell it where to go and what waves to catch for $17,000.

BBQ boat

WOAH BEST OF ALL WORLDS! You can cook out, not just by the water, but on the water, with 9 of your besties! The grill is on board and all the utensils/things you would ever need, plus it looks great. You can seriously amaze for $50,000... or for a little less get the hot tub boat!

Hidden pool

Pools definitely look gorgeous in a backyard, but sometimes ya just wanna put them away so you can let people walk around. Sometimes you want to make it a little more shallow when it's super cold. People will think you're the neatest of the neat with this diddy for $65,000.

And now prepare yourself for the Sports Park 60. AKA water playground.

SIXTY PEOPLE can play on this thing at once! and we're not talking kids. It's got trampolines, beams, ramps, jungle gyms, climbing walls, the blob, bars, mini boats... literally everything you could ever want for your entire life. It needs to be added to the list of things we need for our adult summer camp. I can't stop staring. It's beautiful. It's perfect. It's $70,000.

I don't know how many times I gotta ask for a Sugar Daddy until one finally shows up at my door, but I'll keep trying. I'd really enjoy being everyone's favorite person in the summertime... plus my birthday issss coming up....


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