Some things are weird and I think they're still a great idea, some things mostly bother me... the Liquid Lapdance Underwear is one of those bothersome things.
They're for guys headed to the strip club. They have some lube in them, and make it so you can "simulate sex" more while getting a special dance. [FYI this is extremely NSFW]
Guaranteed to finish or your money back?! So here's the question: Do you just walk around in your soiled underwear for the rest of the night?!
Also:
What does it feel like when you're walking around with wetness before the action?!
If it has "room to get a boner," is it gonna be all extra bulgy down there? We don't like being teased, fellas.
IS THAT HOW LAPDANCES ARE NOW?! I need to step my game up.....
This is just gross. I can't imagine how it would be for the hours after getting done... Barf City.
Please don't buy these... but if you're a perv and must... or need a good gag gift... here ya go.
Don't you worry about SNL not being in season... The Lonely Island don't need no SNL! All they need is a Diddy cameo and Robyn to sing a hook about doing everything they say.
AKA "Indiana Jones and whip your dick out."
LOL WTF! Can I just please be in the room when they're brainstorming on lyrics for these songs?!
I really have no other words for it than that wish.
Over the weekend, I spent some time with a 2 year old and watched her want to play with her daddy's iPhone and nothing else. iPhones and iPads are the new kids toys, duh.
So then I looked up some "up and coming children's toys" to see if they have anything good to offer. They do. Like things that adults would mostly like to play:
PERFUME SCIENCE: Forget all the kits we had growing up to make paper flowers or non-edible gummy creatures... kids are making their own perfume! And all this time I thought it was hard to get myself a personalized scent... [$60]
BEAR PONG!: It's been around for a couple years, but kids are playing because it's big enough for them to handle and play with [and for us to get reeeaaallll hammered]. Plus, kids obviously need to start practicing early in life. Beer Pong is no joke these days. [$70 or DIY way cheaper.]
Okay, we may not want the MUSTACHIFIER in our mouths, but you know you want your kid to look this adorable. I'd even let a 3 year old still use a pacifier if it was this one. [$10]
There are also some questionable toys that are being pushed into kids lives since the 2013 Toy Fair...
PLUSH ORGANS: Let them snuggle up with a testicle at night. Or an ovary. It's what they'll be doing when they're older, so again- why not now?
GOOEY LOUIE: Because picking your nose is cool!....? I guess it's time to start letting people pick noses outside of the comfort of their car. My friend in college once told me: "A real friend will pick their BFF's nose for them." Say hello to your kids' new BFF.
I also took note of this little girl's doll named "Doc McStuffins." Apparently Disney shows now sound like pornos. We will be playing "DISNEY or PORN" on the show this week.
Basically... take the igadgets away and let them start picking noses... and practicing the real skills they'll need when college rolls around.
This could be the best story I've heard on my show ever. If not that, it's definitely the best this year.
A dude called to tell me about his sexual adventures, that came to an abrupt stop when the girl said she pooped in his bed. POOPED. IN HIS BED! You need to listen.
I'm just speechless about that. How in the world does someone think they pooped the bed, then feel comfortable patting around for it, and then think everything is fine and so not awkward the next day? He said she's been texting asking why he's avoiding her. Uhhhh.....
Some people were saying it's completely normal on Twitter, but I'm still thinking this is so bizarre and easily the funniest sex story of my entire life.
If you ever thought your family was a little embarrassing, especially on your birthday, think again. This lady celebrating her poor son Edgar's birthday is beyond awful.
I can't even get over how miserable that is. Now he has pubic hair?! WTF?! And how ya gotta tell the kids to beat up the birthday boy, then say the cake is more important that being nice to him?!
I laughed and then it made me sad and mad.. SO MANY EMOTIONS! Someone save this kid from the horrible crazy bitch of a mom he has.
Oh my dear. Remember when vajazzling was like... the coolest thing since the bikini wax? Well, more than a year later, the truth comes out: Boys are "pejazzling" themselves, too.
Salon owners are confessing that guys are coming in to purchase the jewels for themselves, and putting them on their balls.
They're even going as far as saying that the "iron cross" and "red lips" shapes are the most popular.
Hm. Where do I start? What do I say right now? How about- BOYS. NO MATTER WHAT. YOUR BALLS WILL NEVER BE SOMETHING ATTRACTIVE. It doesn't matter how many shiny, sparkly things we see down there, we won't think they're pretty.
I really don't even think this is something gay guys would find fun, but if I'm wrong- please let me know!
Dear sweet baby hey-zeus... Please don't ever let me find any kind of sparkles down there.
I'm hoping he's drunk, but I'm assuming it's a little more than that. He goes crazy on the Subway for whatever reason, rips off his clothes, screams at a cop, and then starts robbing innocent people.
PLEASE BE AWARE: He is naked. You can see everything! But because I'm giving you fair warning, and you're not forced to watch, I'm not putting it on the xxx page!
I love how the guy filming was not afraid to get all up in his business, and the cops don't even say anything. I bet they were excited to watch this on YouTube before bed.
Crazy people, I tell ya, they keep this Internet thing interesting on an otherwise boring day.
TweetOh my wow. If you're wanting to learn how to dance, apparently my man SPIKE is the man to learn from. He combines break dancing, tumbling, and even a hint of sexuality... As long as "Cheryl" doesn't get in the way.
Yes. That just happened. No, I'm not sorry for telling you to watch it.
I thought he had a wedding ring on at first, but apparently it's a chastity ring. If you want some more SPIKE entertainment, I recommend looking at his comments/replies on YouTube.
And yes, you have to capitalize SPIKE.. That's what he does.
Ummm.... So ya know the NFL star LaDanian Tomlinson? Apparently he's a star dancer, too. Or... He thinks so I guess maybe.
Just uh... Watch this.
WTF?! Why, what, how..... So many questions! If I see people doing this in the bars now, I will poop my pants and give the "Please stop doing that" look.
...... Actually. Pause. I'll probably learn it and start the party. Ugh.
So I was working on a post that will be up tomorrow and searching for shoes on Google Images, and stumbled across these high heels and all I could say is "WWWWWTF." [Who what where why why the ....]
I tweeted about it, and @MosStephBlog informed me that Victoria Beckham has BOOTS like these!
These aren't HALF as bad as the heels I found, but still pretty rough.
I just don't understand how or why anyone would ever want to wear such a thing.
