dare: take sexy model pics

**DISCLAIMER TO MY MOTHER, FATHER, BROTHER, GRANDPARENTS, AND OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS: This is one of those posts that you're going to yell at me about. This is why I tell you not to read this. If you continue reading this post, you agree that you will not lecture me, tell me I'm inappropriate, or be disgusted. Instead, you will laugh.**

A year ago I got a dare that I attempted to complete, got nervous, and put it on the back burner. While at the pool over the weekend, I told some friends about it, we drank some beers, and they helped me make it happen.


If there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I'm not sexy. I can't look sexy. I can't act sexy. I can't do a sexy voice. I'm way too awkward.

SO... I decided to do what all of the sexy bathing suit models do, with a touch of EB, of course.

Models make ridiculous faces, stick out their goodies, and suck in other areas. Sometimes they make themselves wet. Sometimes they sexually put things into their mouths. They might think they're keeping it classy, but let's be real- Adding Bud Light cans to a model shot is just as classy as what they have to offer, right?!

Oh, and don't forget the hair in the face. Britney taught me that is the epitome of sexy.

So... How'd I do?!

Don't answer that.

love,
elizabethany

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nifty: the perfect tan bikini

Well, ladies, the bikini gods have finally heard us talking about our tanlines and have come up with the perfect solution: A bikini without straps. None. Zero. Zilch.

What holds your knockers in place, you ask? Oh. Just a "waterproof" adhesive on the inside, duh!


I have a sticky bra that is totally the same thing as these, but I don't know that I'd trust it to stay on in water... but I mean, look at the plus sides of this thing:

1. No one will know how tan or not tan you really are.
   
2. You'll be showing an epic amount of side-boob.
   
3. Fake boobs will be easy to spot- They'll be the only ones truly perky in this thing.
4. It's kind of like putting on a magic show.
   

I mean really... the only downside is the price for me- A whopping $75. I'm a poor girl with a budget.

BUT! BONUS! Hey sugar daddies- If you spend your money on this, I'll wear it, and you'll obviously benefit from it.

OKAY DEAL!

/sarcasm. For now.

love,
elizabethany

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watch: prostitutes fight it out on the streets

Everyone enjoys a good girl fight. They're far too hilarious not to. Imagine the possibilities of entertainment if it's a couple of real life hookers on the streets of San Francisco...

Then watch it become a reality.

[PS- It's not that graphic video-wise, but the language is totally NSFW.]



I really don't know that I've ever heard the b-word yelled so many times, nor have I heard someone compliment a girl for being pretty while fighting her, but still the highlight was the guy coming out of NOWHERE and singing.

Ah. What a beautiful night-scene.

love,
elizabethany

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watch: girl on webcam has an audience

Let this video be a lesson or two or three to everyone. Always make sure you have BLINDS, not just a sheet covering your bedroom window. Double check that it's closed before you do anything naughty. Have quick reflexes.

[PS: I don't recommend watching this in your cubicle... Just sayin.]



I must have watched this video 20 times in a row this weekend with my brother BFF. The old guy who moves out of the window with the quickness is HILARIOUS! The other one just stands there and chills. He ain't ashamed!

Silly girls. Gettin' all slutty for the world.

love,
elizabethany

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sammi sweetheart is leaving nothing for the imagination

WOAH. Wow. That's a vagina floating around the Internet today. A famous reality star's vajay.

When you hear someone has some "naked pics" leaked, you assume it's the usual mirror shot, some nips, maybe some lower goodies.

This time it's MUCH MORE. Sammi is saddled up and ready to go, turning to face the camera, and smiling for a picture.


WHAT IN THE WORLD?! Is she the biggest idiot EVER?! She has to be. Her name might as well change to "the dumbest bitch you'll ever meet."

It's way too much for me to be posting even on my XXX page, I think. So for the uncensored version, hollaholla over at this site.

love,
elizabethany

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poll: was j-woww's nye outfit too much?

Tweet As usual, I can't tell you every detail about New Year's Eve. [And if you can tell me every detail of yours, I hope it's for a good reason!] What I do remember is the reaction I and the entire room had when we saw J-Woww's outfit on MTV's bash and Snooki ball drop. She was freakin' hott!

Apparently she wanted to be even MORE uncovered. MTV made her put on the blazer so that it wasn't as revealing.

But I want to hear your opinion: Did the blazer really do much to help the sluttiness? Was it hott, too much, or saved by the blazer?



love,
elizabethany

i spy: something that should not be hanging out

Tweet Last week I went to a "rap concert" [I say it in quotes because it was all of the guys who have those dumb rap dance songs on YouTube that make them big] and I am going to have the best I Spy's for you guys the next few weeks.

Up first: This girl who clearly has not a care in the world for letting it all hang out.


Sure, her undies are hanging out. It's nothing I haven't shown you on I Spy before, right?

Well, there's more to it. If you look closer, you see something really, terribly embarrassing. I'll let you see it by clicking here.

Oh, BTW- This happened at like 10:30 or 11. It wasn't even late yet.

Classy girls at rap concerts/bars... Not looking out for EB's camera. Shame on them, but thanks!

love,
elizabethany

watch: an old spice parody for the boys

Tweet Page 3 is celebrating 40 years of being in the Sun Magazine. What better way to celebrate than by making an Old Spice parody?!

If you didn't know, Page 3 normally features a bunch of topless models. That should tell you enough.



You're welcome boys, on behalf of the creators of this video.

love,
elizabethany

watch: lap dance at the cowboys game

Tweet Happy Friday, friends!! The weekend is here and that probably means a lot of booze, sleep, debauchery, and football.

As much as I'd love for us all to combine them all together, please don't do it the way homegirl did front row at the Cowboys game:



What a dumb, slutty B. Go get a room, or at least find the nearest bathroom stall... Even if someone has already claimed that. But SO glad someone taped this. I enjoy the entertainment.

Best comment on YouTube for this: world's best daughter.
Abso-freakin-lutely. I can only imagine my family's pride after seeing me represent my football team and probably their money that got me to the game so well.

love,
elizabethany

courtney love is still a hott mess

Tweet In case you were wondering where the H Courtney Love has been or what she's been doing with her life, she's been doin' all the same nonsense she's been doin' forever.

She's taking and tweeting ridiculously not-so-pleasant-on-the-eyes or PG rated pictures [which can be seen in their entirety by clicking here]....





And pretending she's Lady Gaga while "covering" Bad Romance.



Ya know... They'd probably make quite the interesting team. I'd assume any babies would come out in the form of Amy Winehouse, though.

Oh, girl... I hope you live a decent life. If at all possible.

love,
elizabethany

i spy: sluts on the dance floor

Tweet I've been wondering if I should post this or not, and when I teased it today, a certain DJ called me out saying I was "all talk." Pfft. Now it's going up.

At the same bar that I've spotted all the other hooker girls, I found the typical set of girls wearing short skirts and dancing with each other as their goodies were shown to the world.

It's a bit much for me to be putting on this here main page, so click here to see what I'm talkin' about.

i spy: a girl who needs more clothes on

Tweet It's been a VERY long time since I've played this super fun game I call "I Spy."

In case you've never been a part of it here on love, e, I show you things that I see out in public that are "OMG" worthy.

It needs to come back... and today, it is. Thanks to some hooker girl deciding it was okay to wear a shirt as a dress in Northgate the other night.

Ladies... Darlings... Friends.... Wearing shirts as dresses is not okay. I know I'm no style expert, but seeeeeeriously. Dress a little classier, will ya?! I've noticed girls hike up the skirts and add some inches to their heels around here, but sometimes enough is enough.

Also- beware of EB on the streets. Hopefully homegirl doesn't read this. Or... hopefully she does, gets the hint, comments back hating my guts, and never does it again.

And to any girls who have friends that wear things that aren't so great- For the love of God, TELL THEM!!!! You wouldn't want to look a hott mess in public either, would you?!

love,
elizabethany

PS: In case my ex-friend who once left me stranded still reads this, I think someone should tell you that it's time to switch up your wardrobe choices so that it better suits your body ASAP. You're welcome.
[Now I'll stop being a B.]

miley's gone real, real bad for her new movie

TweetEveryone should know I'm a big fan of Miley, but all this becoming uber-slut so soon thing is not okay with me.

Whether she likes it or not, she started on the Disney Channel, and she needs to respect her younger fans. Instead, she's taking a role in a movie that is a bit controversial, to say the least.

Apparently Lola [AKA Miley] loses her virginity, smokes pot, gets wasted, kisses girls on the lips, and shows her mom Ana, played by actress Demi Moore, her Brazilian wax in her new movie "LOL: Laughing Out Loud."

Yikes.

The movie sounds like a good plot, though:

"The film focuses on communication gap between Lola and her mother, due to the increasing use of YouTube, iTunes and Facebook. Lola's mom, Anne, "accidentally" reads her teenage daughter's racy journal and dicovers Lola's wild ways."

It's supposed to debut next year, but expect lots of criticizing people. I'll probably be joining them.

What do you think?!



Please, Miley, for the love of all the little Disney lovin' girls out there, calm your ass down and ease into things, will ya?!

love,
elizabethany

great new tv: featuring the mistresses

I knew the fastest way to become a name in this business is to hook up with someone famous. All you gotta do is tape it, save the text messages, and/or make sure they're in a relationship.

Then... BAM! You could be hosting a TV show!

....No really. Jamie Jungers [Tiger's hoe] and Michelle "Bombshell" McGee [Jesse's tattoo hoe] will be hosting a TV show.

Yes, it will be catching famous people cheating.

I'm not sure how it's going to work out, how they'll catch that many people, but I guess they think it's easy.

Then again... If I had blackmail on someone, found out this was happening, I'd totally rat them out so I could be a part of the show too.

Note to celebs: Now's the time to really watch your back, make the right decisions, and figure out what the H you're doing and how you're going to cover your ass.

Note to self: If nothing comes about in 6 months.... Find celeb, a good camera, and don't lose your phone.

Anyone wanna take bets on which network will take this gold?!

love,
elizabethany

on the racks: lindsay lohan does muse

I'll be honest, I've never heard of Muse Magazine until today, but apparently it's a fashion and art magazine, and it's got everyone talking right now.

The newest cover features Lindsay Lohan.

The cover: Not so controversial. The photoshoot inside: Very much so.

I just don't really understand why she's still being featured everywhere. When is the last time she did something worth noting? She's just another Paris Hilton nowadays.

Anyway, I guess it's important to show her in threesomes and showing off her entirely too skinny ass. Apparently it's a beautiful thing, according to the photographer.

"She is stunning and radiates in the pictures. Lindsay is incredibly focused where it comes to her career and fashion is her passion. It's raw, it's exposed, this is her at her best. She told me: 'I want to make this iconic.' "

I must be missing something. I don't find any of these pictures appealing, hott, interesting... They're rather disgusting to me, actually. I'd rather vomit in my mouth than look at these for much longer.

LiLo, girlfriend, please lay off the powder.

love,
elizabethany

watch: us pole dancing championships

I never thought I'd say this, but this video is making me extremely jealous of strippers, and makes me want my own in my bedroom pronto.

Apparently the US Pole Dancing Championships happened last week, and the ladies brought their best moves.



I know I said before that pole dancing in the Olympics would be absolutely ridiculous and absurd, but I think I take that back.

Do you see what they're doing?! [Well, of course you do... And hopefully the fellas kept it in their pants.] They're so strong, yet they have perfectly normal bodies! How do they get so lucky?!

I have so many questions! Who coaches them? Do they practice for ___ hours a week? Is this their job? Were they gymnasts? How bad does it hurt their thighs?!

If there are any pole dancers out there, let me know! I want to know things! I want to learn things!

love,
elizabethany

playmate of the year is coming to dc

Did you know it's National Hot Dog Month?!?! Today is also Be A Dork Day, Winnie the Pooh Day, and Respect Canada Day.

But let's be honest... Hot Dog Month is totally celebration-worthy and should be our main focus here!

........... Okay, so I obviously don't agree... But former Playmate of the Year and girlfriend of Brody Jenner thinks it is! And she's choosing to celebrate right here in Washington, DC.

She's going to stand outside of the Rayburn House Office Building and hand out free veggie-dogs and brochures about how to become a vegetarian.

Wait a second... Veggie dogs are NOT hot dogs. Hot dogs contain meat that is completely undefined but delicious.

But, I'm sure everyone will be rushing over there to get a picture of her with "strategically placed leaves" while she hands out the nasty-dogs. If you do, make sure to send me a picture and I'll post it!

Welcome to DC, everyone and their mother now that it seems to be the cool place to come.

love,
elizabethany

rihanna let almost all of it hang out

July 4th is all about declaring your independence or celebrating it, right?! Well, even though Rihanna's got a new man and doesn't seem to like to stay single, she's definitely going whatever the eff she wants.

While she was out partying, she must have been thinking "eff it. I'll wear what I want and show off what I got."

Her knockers were hangin' out of her jacket and showin' her star nipple-covers.

I mean dang, girl! It's a relatively clever idea, and you're Rihanna so you can pull it off, but it's a little much, don't ya think?

Probably not, I guess. She was in Vegas. And like I said, she is Rihanna. If I were her I would have made one red and one blue, though.

love,
elizabethany

listen: brooke hogan does birthday sex

According to Brooke Hogan, every girl loves the "Birthday Sex" song. Interesting. I'm a girl, and I think it's okay.

Anyways, apparently her love for it pulled her into the studio so that she could record her own version of the raunchy song.



Remember when Daddy Hogan followed her around, wouldn't let her date, or dress scandalously??? I know it's hard to imagine a time, but it existed. Now she's talking about wanting a guy's icing all over her in order to be satisfied. [I think I just barfed in my mouth a little.]

It's really not terrible, but it's not good... And I'm still bothered by her "growing up" for some reason.

love,
elizabethany

sex of the day 052609

Two funny news stories having to sex need to be shared, so that's what I shall do with this post. Young eyes--> Keep on movin' down the page.


First-- Lorena Bobbitt has a twin! Kind of. A woman bit off her boss's penis. Woops! [Warning: This is a little gruesome.]

How'd it happen? Well, they were sneaking away from the office for a little rendezvous in the car. She was doin' her thing when suddenly, they were struck by a van. The impact caused her to chomp down and when her head came back up, the investigator caught her with blood all over her mouth.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention... Her husband had hired a private investigator to follow her around because he suspected something was up. What a PERFECT time the investigator picked to follow her! WOOO boy!


Second-- What's a fun record to break? Well, I'd like to break the record for most flips in a row, or most shots of Burnetts Cherry Vodka without throwing up... But a porn star, well, they'd like to suck the most *youknowwhats*.

200 men lined up to get BJ's from Cora the porn star so that she could break a record. [BTW, Cora is on probation right now for shooting a porn scene in a public park so obviously she's not very smart about her plans..]

Welp, she definitely didn't make it to #200. She stopped at #75, when she started choking, and had to be rushed to the hospital.

First of all, I think I just barfed in my mouth a little bit. Second, I don't even want to think about how many STD's were lined up, aiming right at her. Third, I guess she needs more practice before she tries to become a pro.


Ohh how I wish this stuff could be reported on the live local news. THAT would be something I'd love to do... If I was able to keep a straight face.

love,
elizabethany