on the racks: elin does people

Tweet19 hours of interviews later, People Magazine has their latest cover story hitting the racks:


Elin Nordegren talked to them over a span of 4 days totaling 19 hours for this breaking-the-silence story that apparently didn't earn anyone any money. [But let's be honest... a few thousand from the magazine would be nothing compared to her divorce settlement, I'm sure.]

As much as this is a huge story, there's nothing surprising as far as I can tell. It sucked that her husband cheated on her, she had no idea, and there was never any physical harm done.

Here are some of her highlighted quotes as a JIC [just in case, duh]:

"I have been through the stages of disbelief and shock, to anger and ultimately grief over the loss of the family I so badly wanted for my children.... My immediate plan is for the kids and me to continue to adjust to our new situation. I am going to keep taking classes, but my main focus is to try to give myself time to heal."

"I always believe the best of people, and when you do that, you're going to be really screwed sometimes. My fear when this first happened was that I wouldn't be that way anymore, but I haven't lost that."

The second quote: Perfect. So true. Relate-able.

I think this whole ordeal made her a million times more famous than she was before, and I think she'll be okay. I know it sucks. I was in her shoes once upon a time.... but homegirl is rich fo' life. She'll be okay.

love,
elizabethany

great new tv: featuring the mistresses

I knew the fastest way to become a name in this business is to hook up with someone famous. All you gotta do is tape it, save the text messages, and/or make sure they're in a relationship.

Then... BAM! You could be hosting a TV show!

....No really. Jamie Jungers [Tiger's hoe] and Michelle "Bombshell" McGee [Jesse's tattoo hoe] will be hosting a TV show.

Yes, it will be catching famous people cheating.

I'm not sure how it's going to work out, how they'll catch that many people, but I guess they think it's easy.

Then again... If I had blackmail on someone, found out this was happening, I'd totally rat them out so I could be a part of the show too.

Note to celebs: Now's the time to really watch your back, make the right decisions, and figure out what the H you're doing and how you're going to cover your ass.

Note to self: If nothing comes about in 6 months.... Find celeb, a good camera, and don't lose your phone.

Anyone wanna take bets on which network will take this gold?!

love,
elizabethany

watch: homer simpson yells at tiger

We knew everyone would want their chance to yell at Tiger Woods after the Nike ad hit the Internet.

I never expected one of those people to be Homer Simpson..



Never expected it, but boy am I glad he did.

You're my favorite so far, Mr. Simpson. I feel as though we share the ADD trait.

love,
elizabethany

watch: christian bale yells at tiger woods

You've seen the new Tiger Woods/Nike commercial by now where he gets reprimanded in the most adult and public way possible, so now let's look at the best parody to date.



Christian Bale sure knows how to yell at ya when you've done something wrong or that he doesn't like, eh?!

I think the current commercial should be replaced with this one... Just sayin'. I think more people would laugh than say "WTF" after seeing it.

love,
elizabethany

tiger woods is back on the prowl

It's okay to talk about Tiger twice in one week for a couple reasons: One was hilarious, one is written by Mikey P so it's not technically me talking about it, anddd... He'll tell you the rest.

Find out the latest with Tiger Woods by clicking here!

nifty: tail of the tiger golf balls

I know, I know... No more Tiger Woods. I'm bringing up a topic that was otherwise finally put to sleep, as far as I can tell. I have to!

Check out these golf balls. They each have a painted image of one of Tiger's mistresses and their motto:

"He likes to play a round with them... Now you can too!"

Absolutely genius.

I'm not sure how much golf balls are, but these seem a bit expensive at about $50... Then again, you can't put a price on being constantly reminded about the most annoying story of the end of 2009!

love,
elizabethany

on the racks: tiger woods does vanity fair

I vowed to myself that I wouldn't write, mention, whatever the name Tiger Woods on her anymore. Then, I saw this.

The cover of Vanity Fair= Tiger Woods. Shirtless.


Now, before I say anything, I'm not posting this because he's shirtless and OMG SO HOTT! False. He's borderline fugly in this picture. His body looks like some kind of monster that is about to have a mind of its own. [Hmmm... that may be true.]

Anyway, this picture is from 2006, before anyone knew of the real Tiger. [Or the beast being let out of a cage, to make a reference to Real World DC ;)]

The article takes a look at how he's basically been a robot for years now and that's why we all thought he was perfect. He knew exactly what to say. Shouldn't we know by now the less you really know about someone, the more scandals they're hiding?!

If you are/were a Tiger fan, it's a great article. My personal favorite part is the very beginning:

When Tiger Woods finally fell from his pedestal—the car crash, the angry wife, the tales of kinky extramarital sex, the link to a controversial sports doctor—it was one of the greatest recorded drops in popularity of any nonpolitical figure.

Well that's just another record for him to break, right?! Another achievement. The b-tard wins everything.

I'd like to say hello to Tiger, and nice to finally meet you. The real you, of course. I'm sure it feels good to not hold things back nowadays.

love,
elizabethany

watch: i am tiger woods

I've been pretty anti-posting things about Tiger just because I think there's enough of it everywhere else, but this video is pretty funny. [It's also NSFW language-wise...]

Don Glover does his best impersonation of Tiger Woods and explains what Tiger does besides play golf.



I mean... Wow... Okay. Way to just throw it all out there, right?!

This video reminds me of something my raw BFFs would totally say/do, naturally, on a daily basis. Out of control.

At least you got it off your chest, right Tiger Don?

love,
elizabethany

PS: Steve Harvey was on Ellen the other day and gave a quick tip for Tiger: "Stop eating out."

morning hangover 120909

Good morning and happy hump day!!! I'm here to help ya get over that hump, as usual! ;)

• Like Mad Libs, but better! The Tiger Woods Sext Generator.
• Forget going to see the Santa you've known all your life... Spice it up with a HOTTIE Santa!
  
• Some things call for a breakup... Others should be worked out.
• More best of the decade: TV Shows, in no particular order.
• OMG: A car being chased jumps up 20 feet in the air and lands IN trees.
  
• For all you fellow cat crazies, here's why they do some of those "cute" things.... They're not so cute anymore.
• The new way to get away with things you shouldn't: Cut off your fingers and get new finger prints.
  
• Lady Gaga channeled her inner Queen of Hearts when she met the Queen of England.
• As much as I hate T. Swift, this is a pretty clever song from one of her biggest fans. Merry Swiftmas.
  
  
  
• Who knew a Christmas song could be so dirty? Leave it to Gaga.
  
  
  
• Ohhh microphone FAIL.
  
  
  
• Keep it in your pants, boys.
  
  
  

A little short today, I apologize. Expect plenty of blogs to read! :) Have a great day!

love,
elizabethany

afternoon hangover 120409

Happy Friday, everyone!!!

I wish someone had said that to me this morning! I woke up late thinking it was Saturday like a moron. Ugh. So, I'm a little late, and I sincerely apologize.

• Hilarious: Jokes about Tiger Woods. It's never too early.
• The 50 best protest signs of 2009... And most of them are from right here in DC.
  
• If you don't want the condom to break this weekend, make sure you're buying one of the best kinds out there.
• I refuse to join a gym, and some of these "gym secrets" are exactly why.
  
• You thought getting defriended was bad after a break-up?! Try getting your porch lit on fire.
• I love Christmas because of these headlines: Elf Jailed After Threatening Santa
  
• Sometimes us ladies crush a man's ego without even knowing it. I'm sorry, boys.
• Looking to buy a new car? Here are the 10 best for 2010.
• Don't forget: Texts and emails are forever... So make sure to watch what you say.
  
• Lesbians aren't everything you think they are.
• This absolutely needs to be on everyone's wall nowadays... And it's a little ridiculous.
• It's never too early for funny advertising.
• Katy Perry is certainly not a Christian singer anymore....
• Another new fashion by the cupcake dress creator, the bubble gum machine dress.
• For the computer geek in us all: Photoshop magnets.
• LOL look at the boy's face.
• Cue the angry parents... Miley's got a new tattoo.
• Apparently Quentin Tarantino's new job is Japanese commercials about.... Mmmm... I don't know.
  
  
  
• This couple has found the most holy egg ever... With a cross imprinted in it....... I love the news.
  
  
  
• Tiger Woods' voicemail as a slow jam= Amazing. This guy's image is officially completely demolished.
  
  
  
• This is pretty freakin' sweet. He make a bass guitar out of a balloon and strings!
  
  

Alright, enjoy the procrastination! I tried to make it so the links open in new tabs, so let me know if something doesn't work!

love,
elizabethany