the time my dreams came true and i played with a monkey

For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to play with a monkey. Preferably a chimp, but I've become so in love with them it's borderline crazy. If I go to the zoo, the families hold their kids back from me because I'm right on the glass giggling like a four year old on shrooms. Seriously.

My mom tried to get me one for my sweet sixteenth, but couldn't. I saw a guy with one at a bar on Halloween and immediately went home to research breeders, but never really got to hold it or anything. And for the past two years, The Monkey Man has been teasing me with a visit. They say he's coming, I shed tears of excitement, then something happens and I'm left here heartbroken.

Well, they finally came through!!!!!!!!!!

I had no idea what kind of monkey it was going to be; I wanted to be surprised [but obviously hoped for the ultimate].

Meet Django. And look at how freaking excited I am.

They came because they're going to be at the Super Pet Expo as usual. The ironic thing about that is.... he wants to show people that monkeys are NOT good pets. They're illegal in a lot of places [we had to get a permit to shoot this video in this county], and they live 35-45 years. That's way too much of a commitment, yo.

Also, she was a little unpredictable. She ABSOLUTELY listened to her daddy, but she attacked me after I did some spirit fingers because apparently that's a sign for "let's rough house" to monkeys. If you watch the video from Facebook live at the end of this post, you can see it go down around the 4 minute mark.

For now, let's just admire the pictures of me being in Heaven.

She prefers french kissing. 

And isn't very ladylike.

Mama Plog said her face was ugly. BLASPHEMY. She's adorbs.

We played patty cake, catch, and even got some tickling in. Django's laughing was the best. What a cute little cackle.

This is my favorite pic of me and my new BFF. I'm so excited and she's all "WTF this B is so excited, calm the bleep down."

Obviously had to take a selfie to wrap up the playdate. I didn't get the duckface memo and I'm very sad about it.

"The Monkey Man" has been an entertainer all his life, which makes sense. I can only imagine how much he and Django get paid to show up at some kid's birthday party, do some magic, freak the kids out, and make sure he's the only Monkey Man around.

If you wanna experience most of it with me, here's what went down on Facebook.

IM WITH A MONKEY
Posted by Elizabethany Hot on Friday, March 11, 2016

Django, I'll miss you... but I wish you'd at least introduce me to one of your Chimp friends sometime... in return for the "love scratches" on my face. Geez.

love,
elizabethany

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watch: robin williams has a tickle fight with a gorilla

My obsession with monkeys is a little extreme, but how can you NOT think they're awesome?! Especially after watching this video...

Robin Williams meets KoKo, and after taking his glasses, all KoKo wants is a good ol' fashioned tickle fight.



She took his glasses and wore them! KoKo totally fell in love with Robin. And all the signing... gah, I'm just obsessed. I don't know how I missed this video when it was originally posted!

And don't get all "they can snap and become scary instantly" on me, cuz I don't wanna hear it. All gorillas and monkeys are awesome and nice and caring and yeah. All things great.

love,
elizabetha

PS: My always has to be perfectly correct on everything BFF corrected me, "gorillas are not monkeys, they're apes." I feel the same about apes and monkeys. I don't discriminate, nor do I care a whole lot about what I wrote being "wrong." To me- monkeys are all the different types of animals that are just like humans, but.. well.. aren't.

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watch: kitten gets scared and goes nuts

Listen... I know you think I'm a crazy cat lady... but this here video made me laugh out loud and not many do that.

Kittens like to test their luck... and this one clearly wasn't ready for the iguanas to play back.


LOL I CAN'T DO ANYTHING BUT LAUGH AFTER THAT!!! Poor guy. Cept I don't even feel bad.

love,
elizabethany

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watch: baboons invade a house through a window

Y'all. This is like.... watching my Heaven exist on Earth.... but in a land not near mine. It's tear-jerking, but I love it.

An entire army of baboons broke into this guy's neighbor's house, and he filmed the whole thing. Literal sh!t is flying everywhere, but it's the most beautiful thing....

[Make sure you make it to 2:15ish at least, where they start yelling at one to get out through the door, as if it understands English.]


Seriously. I don't care about the damage done. I don't care if they start barking at me or whatever they're doing... I want baboons to live near me, and I want to leave my window open. I'll keep Slutty and Nugget safe, but they're welcome to anything else in here, as long as I get to play too.

Goodness, that's awesome. I need to move to a country with cooler animals.

love,
elizabethany

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smiling animals will make you smile

I still see people tweeting about looking for things to help them smile again, now that we're also remembering the anniversary of the VT shootings. I'm here to help, my friends.

Nothing can make you smile more than another smile. Make it another smile from an animal and hot diggity damn we got ourselves a winner.... or 20.

Did you make it through without cracking a smile?! If you say yes, I'm calling BS. There's absolutely no way that's even possible, you liar.

love,
elizabethany

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watch: talking dog wants a kitten

It's been a really crappy day in the world, but I'm trying to find any positivity in it that I can. One thing helping me to smile- this video.

You remember the talking dog that just wanted some bacon/food... well now there's this "talking dog" that just wants a kitten, and it's so good!


Snakes? Bleh! OH COME ON!

Gah, the dude who does this is just so good. How a human voice matches a dog's mouth so well, I'll never fully understand... but I thank him for giving us such gold on a gloomy day.

love,
elizabethany

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watch etv: lil nugget watching himself is the cutest thing ever

So how much cuteness can you handle at one time?! You're gonna need to brace yourself, because Lil Nugget is stepping his cute game up.

He finally figured out how to go up and down the stairs today, and then turned it into his own little game/jungle gym. I thought that video was cute, until I noticed him watching it once I was done editing...


"Mom! Where'd that cute little guy go?! I WANNA WATCH HIM SOME MORE! MAKE IT COME BACK!!! CMON HOW DO I DO IT!!!!"

That's what he was saying at the end. If you listen carefully, you can hear a bunch of dings because he was hitting a bunch of buttons on my keyboard.

This little guy is smart. And he's gonna get himself into trouubbble! When it comes to Slutty, she still hates him, but he doesn't seem to care. He thinks he's bigger. Those GIFs will be posted on Monday.

love,
elizabethany

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meet my new little nugget!

I've been saying that Slutty Cat needed a friend ever since I moved to Texas, and now we finally got her one! Meet Lil Nugget!

IIII KNOW! He's perfect. I've always wanted a little ginger cat. 

When we picked him out, I figured Slutty would go back into mommy mode and take care of him because he's only 6 weeks old. I thought she'd love him and be besties and probably try to hump him when he got bigger [in more ways than one]. *And yes, they're allowed to hump. They're not blood related!*

All of my visions were so wrong. All she's done is watch him like a hawk and hate his guts. 

Hopefully one day they'll be friends. Until then, allow me to show you the many faces of Nugget. [FYI he doesn't have an official name yet, but Charlie, Bailey, and Kirby are up for grabs right now. Feel free to vote!]

This is my "I'm photogenic and adorable so take more pics, please!" face.

This is my glamour shot.

This is me practicing my senior portrait.

*Tell me it's real, this feeling that we feel!*

 Watch me go! I'm awesome!

BETCHYA CAN'T FIND ME BACK HERE!

 RAWWRR I'm Simba!

This is my "I know I'm cute, Mom... but I'm trying to sleep so please stop taking pictures" face.

Yoga kitty!

Hey look! I can tweet too! 

And of course, two gingers debating who has less of a soul. Obviously that'd be Corey. There's way too much cuteness in Nugget to not have a soul.

This begins another journey of a cat's life on my blog. But before you call me a crazy cat lady, you shut your mouth and... yeah. Just shut your mouth.

Also, if you've never read Slutty Cat's story and background, you need to. It's freakin' ridiculous. [It's backwards, so make sure you scroll down first.]

love,
elizabethany

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watch: goats yelling like humans will make your day

If you need a good, solid, might not be able to breathe, should probably get some diapers laugh... I think this should do the trick.

I've seen some videos of goats yelling like adults, and ya, they make me laugh... but seeing ALL of them in one video, being startled by some, and most especially seeing the last one... STOP IT. GET ME AN INHALER.


YEAAAHHH.

They're about to become my best friends on my show. Definitely going to get some airtime.

love,
elizabethany

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watch: 18 things that actually exist

This video is going to make you say WTF, it's also gonna have you amazed, and then when you get to #16, you're gonna laugh your ass off.

I've tweeted about a few of these things, but for the most part it's new knowledge to me!


BINOCULAR SOCCER?! SERIOUSLY?! Hot damn those Asians are effing smart. Ellen needs to jump on board and make that her new game.

love,
elizabethany

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pics: what i wore to a wedding last weekend

I went to Rochester for the first time last weekend for a wedding, and I was stressing the days before trying to find a dress for under $20. I ended up finding one at Ross for $12, but knowing the wedding was going to be pretty fancy, I wasn't pleased with it.

I had a dress from New Year's 2011 that I got at TJ Maxx for $14 that had some holes in it and I thought was lame because it was gold with no color.

Welp, that's the one I went with. I sewed up the holes [and had my friends keep an eye on my butt in case it ripped back open], and dusted off the turquoise heels I wore for the Real World DC Premiere party. [They're a size too big, so I had to go get some inserts to make them fit.] The only accessories I added were the turquoise earrings I made. Total cost for the outfit: $8, thanks to the inserts. Yay for shopping in-closet!

[We felt the need to take prom/senior portraits thanks to the awesome view we had... that you can't even see thanks to our big ass heads. Also, my hair was quickly put up into a topsy-tail after these pictures. Yikes.]

The wedding was super long [7 or more hours for everything!], but when you have an open bar and fun people, it's a beautifully long day.

Check out the groom doing the air guitar and the bride having the typical "here we go again" face. They were adorbs.

Also awesome: Hangin with my new friend Dexter... the bearded Dragon who HATED garland. I wish I had video of him dancing/trying to attack it.

And that's another weekend in the life of me... minus video of me CHOMPING on a garbage plate for the first time. Imagine meat, macaroni salad, fries, and sauce all mixed up into one big mess. It was deliciously awful for my diet.

love,

elizabethany

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14 dogs ready for work- take your dog to work day!

Happy Friday! But more importantly, Happy Take Your Dog to Work Day!

To celebrate, let's just look at these awesome dogs who are totally ready to take on the day.

What an awesome thing to see at a front desk, eh?!

Clearly not happy to be there.

Obviously my little buddy! 

What a handsome man in his suit!

He's gonna take the day seriously.

Yes. Staches are mandatory.

Also, I hope you brought your dog if you have one. Hopefully with no warning to the boss. Don't worry... if they try to fire you, I TOTALLY got your back.

love,
elizabethany

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