the time my dreams came true and i played with a monkey

For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to play with a monkey. Preferably a chimp, but I've become so in love with them it's borderline crazy. If I go to the zoo, the families hold their kids back from me because I'm right on the glass giggling like a four year old on shrooms. Seriously.

My mom tried to get me one for my sweet sixteenth, but couldn't. I saw a guy with one at a bar on Halloween and immediately went home to research breeders, but never really got to hold it or anything. And for the past two years, The Monkey Man has been teasing me with a visit. They say he's coming, I shed tears of excitement, then something happens and I'm left here heartbroken.

Well, they finally came through!!!!!!!!!!

I had no idea what kind of monkey it was going to be; I wanted to be surprised [but obviously hoped for the ultimate].

Meet Django. And look at how freaking excited I am.

They came because they're going to be at the Super Pet Expo as usual. The ironic thing about that is.... he wants to show people that monkeys are NOT good pets. They're illegal in a lot of places [we had to get a permit to shoot this video in this county], and they live 35-45 years. That's way too much of a commitment, yo.

Also, she was a little unpredictable. She ABSOLUTELY listened to her daddy, but she attacked me after I did some spirit fingers because apparently that's a sign for "let's rough house" to monkeys. If you watch the video from Facebook live at the end of this post, you can see it go down around the 4 minute mark.

For now, let's just admire the pictures of me being in Heaven.

She prefers french kissing. 

And isn't very ladylike.

Mama Plog said her face was ugly. BLASPHEMY. She's adorbs.

We played patty cake, catch, and even got some tickling in. Django's laughing was the best. What a cute little cackle.

This is my favorite pic of me and my new BFF. I'm so excited and she's all "WTF this B is so excited, calm the bleep down."

Obviously had to take a selfie to wrap up the playdate. I didn't get the duckface memo and I'm very sad about it.

"The Monkey Man" has been an entertainer all his life, which makes sense. I can only imagine how much he and Django get paid to show up at some kid's birthday party, do some magic, freak the kids out, and make sure he's the only Monkey Man around.

If you wanna experience most of it with me, here's what went down on Facebook.

IM WITH A MONKEY
Posted by Elizabethany Hot on Friday, March 11, 2016

Django, I'll miss you... but I wish you'd at least introduce me to one of your Chimp friends sometime... in return for the "love scratches" on my face. Geez.

love,
elizabethany

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happy world animal day!

From me to you-


You're welcome.

love,
elizabethany

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smiling dogs will make your day

Happy Hump Day! Need a smile like I do? These dogs are guaranteed to help... and if they don't- you need a drink or few.

The "oh ya know, I'm just a lovable, silly, perfect pup... for now" smile.


The "way to cool to show my teeth" smile.


CHEEEEESEEE.


The "hey Ma, of course I'll look perfect for a pic to win points" smile.



The "I was taught to smile like this, so this is how I shall do it" smile.

My parents just got a dog, and I am now determined to get it to smile. Amazing.

love,
elizabethany

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watch: animals are cute... x3

Pets are seriously taking over the internet, and most of us aren't even mad about it.

For instance.. there's this little kitteh who's stuck in a hamster ball!



And this dog that JUST WANTS TO PLAY FETCH, BABIES!



Or the cat that actually thinks it's a dog, apparently.



Poor thing is having an identity crisis! Can't decide which animal is cuter! I don't blame ya, little guy... I can't decide either.

Imagine the internet without animals. Actually, don't. It's terrifying.

love,
elizabethany

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watch: dog wants to play fetch with the statue

When a dog wants to play fetch, it's rude not to play with him. I don't care what you're excuse is, even if you're a statue.



I don't know if I'm supposed to laugh or cry because I can feel his frustration! Poor guy.

Syke. I'm laughing. Out loud.

love,
elizabethany

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watch etv: slutty cat celebrates national pet day

Today is National Pet Day, and because Slutty Cat is still just as awesome as ever, and now fetching her new favorite toy [the plastic seal thing from a milk jug] 24/7, I thought I'd bring her back to the Internet.



She's been cooped up on my apartment since the move, so her sluttiness involves staring out the window and meowing at all the boys. Poor girl. Can't get her needs fulfilled anymore. Maybe one day...

love,
elizabethany

PS: Feel free to follow her on Twitter. She says she's gonna start being more active on there... just like her mama.

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i want this as a pet: coatis

Buzzfeed posted 50 pictures of baby coatis, some animal that I had never heard of. When I checked out the pictures of these precious things that are related to the raccoon family but also resemble aardvarks, I DIED.

I want. Now. Seriously.

OBVIOUSLY I had to check out some videos on YouTube before I really declared my love and yearning for such a thing in my home.

They seem pretty rambunctious, and probably aren't the best thing to keep caged up, plus they get pretty big, but THEY'RE STILL AWESOME!





Tell me you're not in love right now, I dare you.

love,
elizabethany

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meet pua, the pet anteater

TweetNow this is nothing I ever imagined having as a pet, and I'm still rather unsure about it, but Pua the anteater is pretty cute.

Whoever the owner is has started a blog about it all, of course. I wondered what the personality might be like, and if you're like me, watch these videos-





And then there's that time it drank champagne:



SO WEIRD!!!! It seems relatively lame, to be honest. Cool for a minute, but ultimately lame and just cute to look at.

I'll stick with Slutty Cat, thanks.

love,
elizabethany

having a pet kangaroo is way cool

Tweet If there's one thing that blogging REALLY makes me want, it's an exotic animal as a pet.

Today's exotic pet: a kangaroo.

Look at these incredibly precious, awesome pictures of Beemer!

I. want. one. SO freakin' cute!

There's your cute animal of the week. You're welcome.

love,
elizabethany

watch: stinky the pet porcupine

You all know how much I love the idea of having a wild animal as a pet. [Hush if you're going to tell me how cruel it is. It's the idea that's freakin' awesome!]

Now someone officially turned a porcupine into a pet! Who woulda thunk?!



I love how all the quills are gone from his butt because he sits on it! Presh.

Whyyy can't I have a Neverland Ranch and have tons of wild animals as my friends?! Slutty Cat wouldn't be so lonely, either.

love,
elizabethany

watch: lala the pet penguin

Wild animals as pets may be cruel to some people, but I think it's freakin' awesome. Otters, lambs, elephants etc. are exactly what I want in my house when I grow up.

I'd also really love a penguin. A penguin named Lala who wears a backpack and walks to town on his own to get his fish, to be exact.

How freakin' GREAT is he?!? Ugh. I want him. [But OF COURSE it's a couple of Asians who have thought of this great way to keep him as a pet!]

love,
elizabethany

watch: pet baby kangaroos at the beach

I have found yet another animal that I'd really like to have as a pet and a sibling for Slutty Cat.

I will absolutely own a little 'roo before I die. I can bounce on my kangaroo stilts [that I got today!] while we frolic in the park.

No, really... Look at these freakin' precious beings on the beach:



I don't really know if they're anyone's pets, but I can bet so!

Am I the only one who didn't know they could swim like dogs? Ya learn something every day!

love,
elizabethany

watch: bea, the house trained lamb

I always thought owning a chimp at some point in my life would be cool and everyone would be jealous of me. Then I saw a pet otter, a pet deer, pet elephant, and now a pet lamb.




Is that not the cutest freakin' thing ever?!? It's got so much personality! Who knew lambs could do more than look fat, get shaved, and make the most annoying sound in the world?!

I shall find this Bea, kidnap her, and keep her for my own.

...Or just remain jealous.. That'd probably be smarter.

love,
elizabethany

watch: sidney the pet otter

Alright... I think I'm going to trade in Slutty Cat and my title of being "Crazy Cat Lady" and become "Crazy Otter Lady."

I never knew having an otter as a pet would be possible, but apparently it is! [Once one person does it, no matter what the circumstances, it's totally okay for everyone to follow suit, duh!]

Meet Sidney. She's a baby otter who's house trained.



It acts just like a cat or a dog! How GREAT is it?! O-M-G I want one right now! It's little face is precious!

Too bad when I showed my parents this video my dad just said "we're NOT getting an otter!"
...He know my mom and I way too well... We'll get any animal that we think is cute.

Good thing I can count on my trusty Mommom to want one! She loves otters! I shall call her right now.

love,
elizabethany