on the racks: christina aguilera does maxim

If you told me Xtina was posing in Maxim a year ago, I would have cringed a little and said something along the lines of "we see more than enough of her on "The Voice." But now, she's looking damn good.

Welcome her to the cover of the October issue.

She's showing off what looks good and hiding her "trouble spots," as every woman should learn how to do... even though I think she has very few trouble spots these days.

Seriously, I love this! She's not the skinny little girl she used to be, but her body's gorgeous! She's a woman now, not a teen pop princess. 

Also love: Her quote about being sexy. 

"I'm such a down-to-earth girl, I'm comfortable in just a jersey and boy's underwear. Trying too hard to be sexy is the worst thing you can do. Sexiness should be effortless." 

And when they asked her about Justin Timberlake and Ryan Gosling back in the day:

"They were both very charismatic, but I think I have to shy away from the question. I don't want this to bite me in the butt later. They were tight, you know. They'd walk around together all the time, same as me and Britney [Spears] would. Now look at us. It's funny how that played out."

Are you saying you guys still can't be friends, Xtina?! Come onnn.......

There's plenty more sexy and fun in the article, out in a week or so.

love,
elizabethany

PS If you haven't heard her latest song, you should. I'm kinda in love with it.

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nifty?: the liquid lapdance is mostly disturbing

Some things are weird and I think they're still a great idea, some things mostly bother me... the Liquid Lapdance Underwear is one of those bothersome things.

They're for guys headed to the strip club. They have some lube in them, and make it so you can "simulate sex" more while getting a special dance. [FYI this is extremely NSFW]

Guaranteed to finish or your money back?! So here's the question: Do you just walk around in your soiled underwear for the rest of the night?!

Also:

1. What does it feel like when you're walking around with wetness before the action?!
2. If it has "room to get a boner," is it gonna be all extra bulgy down there? We don't like being teased, fellas. 
3. IS THAT HOW LAPDANCES ARE NOW?! I need to step my game up.....

This is just gross. I can't imagine how it would be for the hours after getting done... Barf City. 

Please don't buy these... but if you're a perv and must... or need a good gag gift... here ya go. 

love,

elizabethany

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on the racks: lady gaga is naked head to toe for v magazine [nsfw]

It's obvious we're going to get a whole new Lady Gaga this time around, and... I don't know if I'm intrigued or really just don't care.

Either way, she stripped down everything for a recent shoot with V Magazine. She [seemingly] has little to no make-up on and not many clothes, either.

[Images via V Magazine]

There will be four different covers for every little monster to collect, but it seems like this could be one of them [unless I suck at research and this is actually old].

There are also more pictures over yonder, between a bunch of words from another language that totally don't matter.

I also can't decide if I think these are beautiful or not. I do think she looks great in the last one, even though she's failing at covering up her nips. Stripping down and showing the real you is always more beautiful than wearing a meat dress, but why the mud? The dark hair isn't working for me either.

...Don't mind me... I'm just over-judging these pictures way too much... and am going to continue to do so.

love,
elizabethany

PS This is her latest date night outfit, so she's not stripping off all of her weird.

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i spy: questionable raunchiness at my club night

Hopefully by now you know that I host at Bayside on Shore Dr in Virginia Beach every Tuesday night. I like to make things get a little crazy, normally offer up some lap dances for some birthday people, and see where the night takes us.

The other week, we had some strippers join us [in every day clothes, so I really had no idea until I got completely shown up during the lap dances], and suddenly the whole bar got a lot more raunchy.

This happened.

No, that's not someone getting tackled to the ground and beaten with our logo conveniently in the fore-front of the picture... that was some kind of dance move these people were all doing.

And yes, someone did forget that leggings aren't pants.

My favorite part: Dude in the green shirt thinks the chic IN THE BACK is crazy, not the orgy that's happening on the floor.

I'm not saying this happens every week, because thankfully, it doesn't. What I am saying is that each week brings something special to the table floor, and you should probably come out and experience it.

Every Tuesday, Bayside Bar and Grill on Shore Dr. I'm there starting at 11pm. Mention this post, and I'll get your first drink!

love,
elizabethany

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nifty: the dildo maker

I can't control my laughter over this product! This is by far the most ridiculous and hilarious thing I've seen in a while, and if I could figure out how to legitimately buy it, I'd stock up for every Birthday, Christmas, etc I have coming up for my friends.

The Dildo Maker, my friends, is something that can turn any household item into your new favorite toy.

If that's not the most outrageous but genius thing I've ever seen, I'm not sure what is.

It seems like it might just be something for the guy who created it, which is a damn shame. They could be making some serious buck off gag gifts [no pun intended].

love,
elizabethany

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watch: spongepop squarepants xxx parody is real

Remember when the Simpsons porn parody came out? I'm not going to lie, it's one of the most visited posts on my blog, and was totally freaky when I first found out about/saw it.

Well, now we can thank some more pervs for creating "SpongeKnob SquareNuts," the Spongebob porn no one asked for.


The fact that his voice is pretty great is the creepiest part. If you heard someone else watching this, you'd be totally bothered.

Any BTW, I totally went to the website and watched the real deal, obvi. It's disturbing, and probably not going to do anything for you unless you're one of those people who has fantasies about childhood cartoon characters. [We need to talk, if you are...]

I will tell you this much: "If you keep on sucking on me, you'll be able to breathe," was a real thing that was said after Sandy lifted up her mask/helmet thing. Also- "keep going and I'll give you a spongebaby!" Also, don't expect anything beyond poor Sandy giving special kisses.

Now I will forever sing "Spongeknob Squarenuts." Thanks a lot, jerks.

love,
elizabethany

PS if you wanna get more disturbed, here are more shows that have been turned into porn parodies.

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on the racks: rihanna is breathtaking in gq

...and when I say breathtaking, I don't mean cuz she's just beautiful.... but the poses and pictures she took... DAY. YUM. GURL. As Russell Brand said on Ellen "I'm heterosexual as it transpires, but sometimes you gotta wonder 'why not?!'"

I'm not even gonna bother with words right now. Check out the article here if you want words. I'm just going to let you have a moment with these.

Werk it, girl. And stay Unapologetic.

love,
elizabethany

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coco's thong gets lost in her ass shot

I've been getting a lot of complaints [obviously from the boys] about my lack of XXX posts lately. I'M SORRY! It has been a year, and I will try harder to please you smuts.

This isn't totally XXX rated, but it is slutty and outrageous. It's Coco's ass in a "Thong Thursday" shot. So that newcomers are slapped in the face with the ridonkulousness, click here!


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pics: the time i took my mom to a drag show

My mom came to visit for the first time this past weekend so that we could join the BFF and her mom at the Darius Rucker/Lady Antebellum concert. BUT... things took a detour when I told the BFF's mom about a drag brunch that happens here [at Croc's on 19th St.] every Sunday.

They really had no idea what they were getting themselves into [I've been a couple times with work].. but who would really know what to expect on a nice Sunday brunch with a bunch of drag queens?! No one.

I told them to grab some ones and we went to see those fabulous ladies.

Considering the fact my mom doesn't even allow such words as suck, piss, or retard in our house, things got real awkward real quick. She got pretty into it after a little while, though! As you can see, the boobies threw her off a little bit, but I'll be honest- even I was fascinated with how real they looked [and felt].

I will say that I didn't dare look anywhere near the moms when one queen started singing "I don't care how you f#@* me, just f#@* me where you can." It's one of the funniest songs ever, I was geeking out, but I did not want to see their reactions.

[FYI: She said she wanted these pictures for herself and to show my dad, so I can only assume she meant she wanted them available for the world, right?! I mean let's be honest... my parents should know who their daughter is at this point. If they don't, HELLOOOO WAKE UP CALL.]

Don't worry, we did some normal things too. The concert was AWESOME [Thompson Square is freakin adorable and I think I have developed a SERIOUS crush on Charles Kelley of Lady A. He was real cool.], and we had some quality beach time yesterday.

If you ever do plan on taking your mom to a drag show, prepare yourself. Or maybe prepare them. And don't get a table in the very middle of the show... that could be even more awkward. 

love,

elizabethany

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watch etv: everything is better naked

You can't tell me this isn't true: When you're naked, everything is better.

In order to prove this [and help out a local tanning salon I've been using], I stripped my clothes and did things that aren't always hott or exciting.



Yes, someone really walked in on me at the end of the video. He was a weekend coworker that I think I've talked to once, have no idea what his name was, and had to convince that I wasn't shooting some awkward porno in the studio. [I had a cameraman, after all.]

I have one more "naked" video to do, and I feel like it's going to be hard to outdo that one. If you have any ideas/suggestions, I'd love to hear them!

love,
elizabethany

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watch etv: the final day in new orleans for mardi gras

It's been exactly a month since we got back from New Orleans, and I have the final video of our adventures there.

This one is probably the biggest clusterf*** of nonsense of them all, and probably the most deliriously drunk you'll ever see me on public video. You wanna see me get more wild? Come to one of my club nights.

The story of Bobby's disappearance, parade footage, and how vuvuzelas can be used as vibrators are just some of the things in this here video.



Weird we got, that's for sure. Still can't believe people made out with the cowboy cheerleader dude. He was completely by himself all weekend, by the way. Never saw him with any friends. What a creeper.

Now the countdown begins for next year. Goal: Get a balcony. All I gotta do is prove to the boss that it's worth it....

I love my job.

love,
elizabethany

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nip slip alert! 90210's annalynne mccord tweets one out

All the boys are all "OMG UPDATE YOUR XXX PAGE!" these days, so, you're welcome, fellas.

90210 hottie AnnaLynne McCord accidentally Twitpic'd a pic of her nippy, but luckily people caught it before she deleted.
Once on the Internet, always on the Internet.

Click here for the uncensored version!

My thoughts: Why is she TWITPIC'ING pictures of herself like that? Is she trying to sext the whole world? I mean, maybe that's how I can get some more followers and attention but like, I'll keep my shirt on in social media pics, thanks.

Silly girl...

....She is hott, though!

love,
elizabethany


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watch: prostitutes fight it out on the streets

Everyone enjoys a good girl fight. They're far too hilarious not to. Imagine the possibilities of entertainment if it's a couple of real life hookers on the streets of San Francisco...

Then watch it become a reality.

[PS- It's not that graphic video-wise, but the language is totally NSFW.]



I really don't know that I've ever heard the b-word yelled so many times, nor have I heard someone compliment a girl for being pretty while fighting her, but still the highlight was the guy coming out of NOWHERE and singing.

Ah. What a beautiful night-scene.

love,
elizabethany

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blake lively's got 20+ leaked naked pics!

I LOVE Blake Lively. She's freakin' gorgeous. I'll be honest- of all celebs, I would not expect her to have naked pics leaked, but I would totally expect her to be kinky behind closed doors.

Sucks for her, because even though her reps are denying it, she's got a TON of naked pictures being leaked.


Obviously NSFW or little kids, click here to venture to the XXX page!


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watch: guy goes absolutely nuts and naked on subway

This guy is freaking INSANE!

I'm hoping he's drunk, but I'm assuming it's a little more than that. He goes crazy on the Subway for whatever reason, rips off his clothes, screams at a cop, and then starts robbing innocent people.

PLEASE BE AWARE: He is naked. You can see everything! But because I'm giving you fair warning, and you're not forced to watch, I'm not putting it on the xxx page!



I love how the guy filming was not afraid to get all up in his business, and the cops don't even say anything. I bet they were excited to watch this on YouTube before bed.

Crazy people, I tell ya, they keep this Internet thing interesting on an otherwise boring day.

love,
elizabethany

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watch: girl on webcam has an audience

Let this video be a lesson or two or three to everyone. Always make sure you have BLINDS, not just a sheet covering your bedroom window. Double check that it's closed before you do anything naughty. Have quick reflexes.

[PS: I don't recommend watching this in your cubicle... Just sayin.]



I must have watched this video 20 times in a row this weekend with my brother BFF. The old guy who moves out of the window with the quickness is HILARIOUS! The other one just stands there and chills. He ain't ashamed!

Silly girls. Gettin' all slutty for the world.

love,
elizabethany

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check out chris brown's goodies

I went away for a weekend and Chris Brown decides to send a pic of his johnson to someone who was smart enough to leak it to the Internet. Either I need to go away more often, or I always need one eye open to the Internet, no matter what.

Click here if you wanna see the goods.

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watch: super scandalous peta super bowl ad

Tweet I should warn you that even though no goodies are exposed in this video, it's probably not something you should be watching at work if people will see it.

Plus... you just might pop something up while watching, and that's always awkward with others around.

PETA is known for their controversial ads they try to get aired during the Super Bowl, and normally they lose the battle. Something tells me they'll be losing again this year.

They took outtakes from one of their previous casting calls to prove why vegetarians are better at sex.



Thank goodness the guy comes in for a little comedic relief! That's some serious veggie-time.

love,
elizabethany

poll: is this j-woww's topless photo?

Tweet There has been a LOT of talk of naked photos of J-Woww, and she's been fighting her ex and it's been a huge mess. Now, there are some photos on the internet that may or may not be her.

I'll let you be the judge, but you'll have to be a big kid to see them.

On another note, Jersey Shore is officially the biggest series ever in the history of MTV. Wow.

watch: super inappropriate children's programming in belgium

Tweet When I say this is something you should watch, I mean it. When I say it's something inappropriate, I mean it's REALLY NSFW. Save it for later if that's where you're at. [Unless, of course, you work at a cool place like me.]

This claims to be from a children's program in Belgium......



Uhh... eh... hmmm... I.... I'm speechless. I'm not a prude by any means, but if I saw my little 4 year old watching this, I'm not sure what I'd do. I think I'd probably just do the old school faint hard on the floor.

Yea.... Still speechless....

love,
elizabethany

UPDATE: My dear RWDC producer BFF did some research and found out that this is actually from a comedy show in Belgium. Phew. Still- I don't see it being aired on any American TV besides HBO after hours.