nifty?: the liquid lapdance is mostly disturbing

Some things are weird and I think they're still a great idea, some things mostly bother me... the Liquid Lapdance Underwear is one of those bothersome things.

They're for guys headed to the strip club. They have some lube in them, and make it so you can "simulate sex" more while getting a special dance. [FYI this is extremely NSFW]

Guaranteed to finish or your money back?! So here's the question: Do you just walk around in your soiled underwear for the rest of the night?!

Also:

1. What does it feel like when you're walking around with wetness before the action?!
2. If it has "room to get a boner," is it gonna be all extra bulgy down there? We don't like being teased, fellas. 
3. IS THAT HOW LAPDANCES ARE NOW?! I need to step my game up.....

This is just gross. I can't imagine how it would be for the hours after getting done... Barf City. 

Please don't buy these... but if you're a perv and must... or need a good gag gift... here ya go. 

love,

elizabethany

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watch: asking 100 people to bang you

It's only Tuesday, but I'm telling you right now- These are the videos everyone needs to see this week.

Everyone's always like "girls have it so easy; all they have to do is ask any dude to have sex, and they'll get it." First of all: Shut up. Second: Make a video or two to prove it.

I'd say 50% is a lot more accurate than saying "any guy will say yes," but look at her! Homegirl is freakin' HOTT! So she's bound to get at least twice as many dudes to say yes as your average girl... and she's risking getting arrested.

Now let's see if it's any easier for a dude.

Poor guy gets straight up laughed at! And wet! And straight up crushed. If I'm being honest, I'd probably take him up on it. If I were drunk. Maybe sober... He's not a bad looking guy!... Okay, I guess I'd only do it if he came to my place and someone could watch to make sure I don't get killed.

That's really all it is. Chics are just afraid of the dude doing something beyond sex. They're also worried about being perceived as a slut, but that's a stupid worry that we'll have to tackle some other day.

These people are really great for doing this, though. They're ballsy. They asked couples and families. They put a myth to rest forever. They educated the internet. Bravo, yo.

love,
elizabethany

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nifty: vibrating bike seat

My bike is getting more tricked out by the day. It already has the rack on the back, the basket, and a fancy paint job, but now I'm thinkin' it needs a vibrating bike seat.

Pause. Think about it. Vibrating. Bike seat.

It's real.

For about $43, you can be riding around in an all new comfort that you've probably thought of, but never looked into further.

It could probably be kinda dangerous to ride around with this along roads or places with traffic, but I say to do whatever your heart [or, ya know] desires.

You're welcome for introducing you to new things you can try.

love,
elizabethany

PS: Look at the picture that's associated with this story... BAHAHA.

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podcast from the show: talkin' about the size of your goodies!

This has been a debate in multiple circles of friends, so I'm not sure why it's taken so long to bring it on the show... but I finally did.

I asked the peeps: Would you rather date someone with big boobies/shaft, or a borderline flat chest/little pecker?

A lot of people tweeted me asking to share the results, and while I normally RT the tweets I get, here's what people called in to say in case you suck at listening to my show.


I wish I would have saved all the tweets, but I got a lot of mixture from the ladies. Someone was yelling at me for even considering the smaller ones because "if you have to use a toy it's not worth it," and other people agreed with me that sometimes having too much to work with is not fun. I assume it's the same for guys/boobs. A hefty handful is nice, sure... but do you really want giant balloons in your face?

Feel free to comment your opinion! Also... I really need to come up with my go-to word for "man-junk" on the show. Every time I talk about it, I become instantly awkward as you may have noticed in the podcast. Help a girl out!

love,
elizabethany

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watch: most awkward PSA ever

Remember the things they made you watch back in the day for Sex-Ed? Luckily, I don't think this video was one of them... it goes WAY too far in terms of awkward PSA's.



Seriously... if my mom came in saying any of that to me, I'd be scarred for life. "It feels good, doesn't it?!" MAKE IT STOP!

love,
elizabethany

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watch: couple pranks people by making out on them

Welp, here's another one of a kind prank that is fantastic.

You want a REAL, big reaction from someone? Invade their personal space. Wanna make it even crazier? Make it sexual, obviously.

This couple decided to make-out throughout the mall and Walmart, while literally touching strangers.


Goodness, black women have the absolute best reactions to anything ever of all time. Seriously, I love them.

I also love it when they bring out the sex doll. Can you IMAGINE seeing all of this go down?! I have tears.

And props to the dude who gave props. Now that's a guy who knows how to live life.

That couple has some serious balls. They deserve to be cupped. Frequently.

love,
elizabethany

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from the show: what's your word for sex?

I'm always looking for different words to use while on the air and talking about the things kids shouldn't know about... So I decided to just ask for your help!

A lot of couples have code words for hooking up so no one knows what they're going to do, and a lot of people simply don't like "sex" or any of the bleep words. All of that I knew. What I didn't realize was that some of the creativity is just impressive.

Listen to what people called in to share then see what people were saying on Facebook!

I don't even know if I can pick favorites! For whatever reason I think saying you're porking is hilarious, but I don't know if parents listening to my show would agree.

Then again... since when am I one to think about parents or children?!

love,
elizabethany

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nifty: lingerie you control with your phone

You've seen it in movies and probably thought about it in your head as "the best invention ever," but now it's real life. Someone beat you to it.

Durex is introducing FUNdawear! It's perfect for long distance couples and ass**** couples alike. [Like if you wanna be a D and mess with your lady/man while they're in class or something...]



That video is mostly awkward, but I can see how this would be really great. Thankfully the bra and boxer briefs are attractive, too! Now we just need to work on those boy shorts....

Here's how it all works:



As someone who's been in a couple too many long distance relationships, I'll admit that I think this would be pretty fun to have. Even if it's not the most sexually healing device, it'd be hella fun to try. And funny.

Would you try it?



Right now it's only being experimented in Australia which is stupid. They're even hooking people up with 5-star hotels and dolla dolla bills just to give it a whirl.

love,
elizabethany

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nifty: the dildo maker

I can't control my laughter over this product! This is by far the most ridiculous and hilarious thing I've seen in a while, and if I could figure out how to legitimately buy it, I'd stock up for every Birthday, Christmas, etc I have coming up for my friends.

The Dildo Maker, my friends, is something that can turn any household item into your new favorite toy.

If that's not the most outrageous but genius thing I've ever seen, I'm not sure what is.

It seems like it might just be something for the guy who created it, which is a damn shame. They could be making some serious buck off gag gifts [no pun intended].

love,
elizabethany

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diy: how to make a sexy jenga game

I was reading some article the other day talking about different games to play to "spice up your sex life," and "Sex Stack" was one of them. Basically, you paid a ridiculous amount of money for a Jenga sex game.

Spending a lot of money is really stupid when you could spend $5 and get the same result. An average Jenga set is $5 and has 54 pieces, so I came up with 54 foreplay actions to write on your tiles! [You may want to have liquor, ice, whipped cream, and some kind of "tie" handy!]

It's simple. Set it up like a normal Jenga game, pull a block, and do whatever it says. If you knock it over, you're gettin it on!

1. Just a peck!
2. Makeout!
3. Underwear- off!
4. Kiss anywhere of their choice
5. Kiss anywhere of your choice
6. Give a hickey
7. Take a shot
8. Take a body shot
9. Lick whipped cream off body part of their choice
10. Lick whipped cream off your choice
11. Go again!
12. Give special kisses- 30 seconds
13. Receive special kisses- 30 seconds
14. Give a lapdance
15. Get a lapdance
16. Motorboat, you SOB
17. Mouth to the ear
18. Get "handy" on them, 30 secs
19. Do what they want, to them.
20. Do what you want, to them. 
21. They do what you want, to you.
22. They do what they want, to you.
23. Blindfold them, draw again!
24. You get blindfolded, then they pick!
25. Ice play with their nipples!
26. Nothing. Their turn again!
27. Kiss on their stomach
28. Kiss the inner legs
29. 69- 30 seconds
30. Get in the shower for 5 mins
31. Kiss down their spine
32. Please yourself- 30 seconds
33. Tie them to the bed, pick again. 
34. Get tied to the bed, they pick.
35. Break out a toy! Their choice
36. Kiss on their neck for 30 secs
37. Give a mouth and ice massage until it's melted
38. Give a massage for 1 minute anywhere on the top half of their body
39. Give a massage for 1 minute anywhere below the belt
40. Remove article of clothing of their choice
41. Move your tongue along their "happy trail."
42. Get your lips super close without touching for 60 seconds. No cheating!
43. Take off an article of their clothing with your mouth
44. Whisper something hott in their ear
45. Dry hump, you on top. 2 minutes
46. Dry hump, them on top. 2 minutes
47. Dry hump without kissing on the face. 2 mins
48. Reveal your current biggest fantasy/wish
49. Gently run your fingertips up and down their back
50. Lightly run your lips over their chest
51. Lightly run your lips over their neck/face
52. Act out a scene from their favorite movie
53. Take one naughty photo of each person
54. Knock it over, get busy!

Umm, sounds fantastic, right?! Unless, of course, you get the "knock it over" on the first pull. That'd be stupid.

All you have to do is grab a [thin] Sharpie and write each of these on a block! Super easy!

Now get to it! Valentine's Day is coming up and let's be real: This is a fantastic gift and/or activity that will last forever! [Or 5 minutes, depending on your ability to last...]

And feel free to comment below any other tile ideas you have! The more the merrier!

love,
elizabethany

PS: If you wanna make Drunk Jenga [one of my absolute faves], this website and this one have fantastic tile ideas.

PPS: If you run your mouse over the pictures, you can easily Pin them! Click the P!

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listen to the show: how did you lose your virginity?

I was thinking the other day how people spend YEARS planning out their first time, and 99% of the time it goes nothing like the imagination... SO... I decided to find out exactly how it went down for some people.

Some people got their wishes to come true, but they're certainly not your ordinary wishes, and some people lost it at a shockingly young age.

LISTEN to the calls [and my own story, since people always ask! don't listen, family.]!



My favorite: "I don't remember their names, but I always remember their cars!" I love it when classy people call my show.

REMEMBER: I'm live every night from 6-11pm EST! Listen online or download my app! And put 757-473-1005 in your phone so you can call me any time, even just to say hey!

love,
elizabethany

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watch: spongepop squarepants xxx parody is real

Remember when the Simpsons porn parody came out? I'm not going to lie, it's one of the most visited posts on my blog, and was totally freaky when I first found out about/saw it.

Well, now we can thank some more pervs for creating "SpongeKnob SquareNuts," the Spongebob porn no one asked for.


The fact that his voice is pretty great is the creepiest part. If you heard someone else watching this, you'd be totally bothered.

Any BTW, I totally went to the website and watched the real deal, obvi. It's disturbing, and probably not going to do anything for you unless you're one of those people who has fantasies about childhood cartoon characters. [We need to talk, if you are...]

I will tell you this much: "If you keep on sucking on me, you'll be able to breathe," was a real thing that was said after Sandy lifted up her mask/helmet thing. Also- "keep going and I'll give you a spongebaby!" Also, don't expect anything beyond poor Sandy giving special kisses.

Now I will forever sing "Spongeknob Squarenuts." Thanks a lot, jerks.

love,
elizabethany

PS if you wanna get more disturbed, here are more shows that have been turned into porn parodies.

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listen: "i think i s#!* your bed"

This could be the best story I've heard on my show ever. If not that, it's definitely the best this year.

A dude called to tell me about his sexual adventures, that came to an abrupt stop when the girl said she pooped in his bed. POOPED. IN HIS BED! You need to listen.



I'm just speechless about that. How in the world does someone think they pooped the bed, then feel comfortable patting around for it, and then think everything is fine and so not awkward the next day? He said she's been texting asking why he's avoiding her. Uhhhh.....

Some people were saying it's completely normal on Twitter, but I'm still thinking this is so bizarre and easily the funniest sex story of my entire life.

love,
elizabethany

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watch/nifty: hilarious equestrian workout system from asian people

Forget the Shake Weight and any other sexual workout items. This here, my friends, tops them all.

And thank God for the Asians who give us such beautiful pieces of equipment.

Now equestrians can simulate the ride in the comfort of their own home.........



First of all, there's no way they can really pretend like this is all about "simulating riding a horse." They're just smarter than us and think of sexual things, THEN try to compare them to other, more innocent things... I would bet my bottom dollar on that.

Either way, I do think it'd be fun to have. And it might even work some muscles! But I think it would work even better with a partner... ya knowww?!

love,
elizabethany

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from the show: would you get your mom a sex toy for mother's day?

I had someone call in to comment on me not knowing what to get my mom for Mother's Day because she has everything, and they gave me the one gift idea I'd really never think of... a freaking sex toy.

Catherine said she has reasons to give one to her mom, along with some lingerie. WEIRD.

Listen to her reasoning and the shocking reactions from listeners:



Like... WHAT?! I can't even imagine the moment my mom saw such things in a gift bag. I don't WANNA imagine that moment. WAH.

Would YOU do it?!



Also from the show, I found a list of "the worst of the most disgusting habits" and wanted to prove it wrong, so I did. Hear what REALLY bothers people:



If you wanna keep up with the show and/or podcasts, don't forget- you can always download my FREE iPhone/iPad app!

love,
elizabethany

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watch: three grannies watch kim kardashian's sex tape

I know I normally steer clear of all things Kardashian, but this is too damn good NOT to watch.

Whether or not it's real/not scripted at all, I really doubt it... but that's not the point. When these three grandmas watch Kim K's sex tape with Ray J and make these hilarious comments, I can't stop laughing.



She's using two hands! It's purple at the top! JUST LOOK AT IT!!!!

"That's greek. That's what the Greeks do."

Oh my goodness. So freaking good.

I've been wanting to get my granddad on my show for years now to get him to talk about "in" things, and thought about bringing up the story I found about a grandparent's sex tips, but I don't think I'm ready for all that yet. As funny as he is, that's still weird...

...but ya never know.

love,
elizabethany

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nifty: iphone case is also a condom case

Looky here, fellas! No more excuses for not having a condom, no more awkwardly getting caught with them, no more having to keep them in the forbidden place that is your wallet... You can store them right in your phone!

Your phone is with you everywhere, so it only makes sense, right?! That's what this playa-playa thought, too. [He refers to himself as a playa. Hence the name of the case. Watch out for the "don't hate the playa hate the game" line.]



Now he's gettin laid every day! Well hott damn, boy!

I guess everyone needs one of these now. [Or, as soon as they become available.] They're $30 and come in three colors! Even pink for the ladies! Holla!

Play safe, everyone.

love,
elizabethany

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podcast: violating other people's homes

My apartment has become the place to sleepover after a night of partying and I'm not mad about it at all. I'm not even mad about it when there are multiple love fests all over my home.

I know people do it all the time, so I asked listeners whose houses they have violated and where they did it, and the answers were FUN!



I like that people are open about sex these days. It's fun. What's not fun: 7 year olds calling in-between all of those telling me about losing their virginity at a bachelorette party. GTFOH. You're 7. Stop calling my show after 10. Do your homework. Hug your parents.

love,
elizabethany

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podcast: bombarding odu students and invading their privacy

Since getting callers on the topics I do every day is so unpredictable, I had the idea to take it in my own hands and just find people in public to talk to/put on the show.

I went to ODU last week and found random students outside and asked them a variety of different things- both random and what I talked about throughout the week.

I asked where they had sex, if they'd hook up with Snooki, what they thought about vagina lipstick, and what they wanted for Valentine's Day... amongst other things. The answers were more amazing than I could have imagined.



"I'm already pink enough" is now a quote that will forever be one of my favorites/replayed on my show. Freakin' great. And some of the guys I talked to were ROTC students which had me a little apprehensive, but they were hilarious. Imagine finding out your boyfriend wanted to have a threesome with your best friend...

This will be happening once or twice a week now, and hopefully I'll be traveling to different schools/areas. Once the summer is here, I can only imagine what the tourists will have in store for me.

Let me know if you thought it was as funny/entertaining as I did!

love,
elizabethany

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nifty?: lipstick for your hoo-ha

Maybe I'm just a little sheltered [which I'm pretty sure is not the case here], but I don't see the need for lipstick for your vagina. BUT... it exists. And it's called "My New Pink Button."


Okay, so they don't call it lipstick, they say it's a temporary dye! I didn't realize we lost pinkness in our vajay as we got older, ladies, but apparently it's a real problem and everyone is worried about it.

They also mentioned that if you wanted to get a man in trouble, you could always put this on and it'll show up on his wein when he goes home to his woman. Two things about that: you should not be hooking up with taken men, you also shouldn't be the one to punish him, soooo..... take that reason to get it out of the equation, ya hoe.

Am I wrong to think this is a bit much?! Tell me if so. I wanna be enlightened! [NO pun intended]

love,
elizabethany

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