If only YouTube was a thing when I was growing up... I would have gotten the ultimate revenge on my brother so many times.
This girl did. Homeboy was practicing some serious twerking skills in his room, until he was interrupted by the Internet fame calling his name.
At least he seems to show some promise and talent, right? I mean, he's not completely stiff... but I'm worried for any girlfriend he tries to put the moves on in the future.
Over the weekend, I spent some time with a 2 year old and watched her want to play with her daddy's iPhone and nothing else. iPhones and iPads are the new kids toys, duh.
So then I looked up some "up and coming children's toys" to see if they have anything good to offer. They do. Like things that adults would mostly like to play:
PERFUME SCIENCE: Forget all the kits we had growing up to make paper flowers or non-edible gummy creatures... kids are making their own perfume! And all this time I thought it was hard to get myself a personalized scent... [$60]
BEAR PONG!: It's been around for a couple years, but kids are playing because it's big enough for them to handle and play with [and for us to get reeeaaallll hammered]. Plus, kids obviously need to start practicing early in life. Beer Pong is no joke these days. [$70 or DIY way cheaper.]
Okay, we may not want the MUSTACHIFIER in our mouths, but you know you want your kid to look this adorable. I'd even let a 3 year old still use a pacifier if it was this one. [$10]
There are also some questionable toys that are being pushed into kids lives since the 2013 Toy Fair...
PLUSH ORGANS: Let them snuggle up with a testicle at night. Or an ovary. It's what they'll be doing when they're older, so again- why not now?
GOOEY LOUIE: Because picking your nose is cool!....? I guess it's time to start letting people pick noses outside of the comfort of their car. My friend in college once told me: "A real friend will pick their BFF's nose for them." Say hello to your kids' new BFF.
I also took note of this little girl's doll named "Doc McStuffins." Apparently Disney shows now sound like pornos. We will be playing "DISNEY or PORN" on the show this week.
Basically... take the igadgets away and let them start picking noses... and practicing the real skills they'll need when college rolls around.
The latest awesome kid to stop by the Ellen Show: Maggie Elizabeth Jones. She's 8 years old, writing questionnaires for the Tooth Fairy [that get answered], doing the boogie dance, and has a serious 'tude.
[FYI, the intense tude comes in towards the end, after the Tooth Fairy talk...]
I just seriously love kids that have the attitude of an adult. I'm sure they're the biggest handful of all, but how hilarious is this girl?! I can't even deal.
Note to self: Start interviewing kids. They're funnier than you think...... maybe.
If you ever thought your family was a little embarrassing, especially on your birthday, think again. This lady celebrating her poor son Edgar's birthday is beyond awful.
I can't even get over how miserable that is. Now he has pubic hair?! WTF?! And how ya gotta tell the kids to beat up the birthday boy, then say the cake is more important that being nice to him?!
I laughed and then it made me sad and mad.. SO MANY EMOTIONS! Someone save this kid from the horrible crazy bitch of a mom he has.
Oh. Em. GEE! Remember 7 year old rapper Lil P-Nut?! He acted like a little grown-up tellin' kids to stay in school if they want their dreams to come true on Ellen, and then he got an Escalade of his own from her.
Well now, he's freaking starring in Happy Feet Two! Amazing! And that means another trip to the Ellen Show.
He is so. freaking. funny. I've been having a really rough couple days [any hilarity that you wanna send me, I'll definitely take it, duh!] and he made me LOL more than anyone else. And that's not even the full interview! I wish Ellen posted all of it. Her reaction to some things he said were fabulous.
I think I might have to see that movie in theaters for the simple fact that he's in it. Who's comin with me?!
Nothin' like a little pressure from your girlfriend to marry her, right? She wants the ring, you want the freedom... a huge fight happens, yelling, screaming... and the guy normally wants to cry and run.
These little kids have the fight, and it's INTENSE. It's also a little too adult-like in many ways.
She is NOT going to let him give up, and he's literally trapped on that stool, SCREAMING. Plus, she tried to win him over by cleaning up after him in the kitchen, then refuses him to look anywhere else but her eyes...
I guess we do learn all this stuff pretty early. Wowza.
I'm not going to lie... I never understood the fascination with Orlando Bloom. He wore eyeliner, looked dirty most of the time, and didn't seem to show too much personality.
Leave it to Ellen to change that for me. She had him on the show on Friday and he was glowing. He's a new baby daddy and obviously very proud of the little guy.
I couldn't help but fall in love with him and realize that him and Miranda Kerr are obviously the best looking couple out there right now.
And then Ellen showed us pictures of him when he was a little tike.
Have you ever seen a kid so fat he couldn't open his eyes? That's something that can happen, and has to Lu Hao, a 3 year old who weighs over 140 pounds. Congratulations parents... You're the proud owners of the fattest kid ever, who is now BLIND because of it.
Yes. That's real. It's not the "make-me-fat" app. ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUNDS!!! THREE YEARS OLD!!!
His family says they're afraid of him and that causes them to feed him too much. Apparently he screams and throws a tantrum if he doesn't eat fourths and fifths.
Um... He's blind. Put him in a room and let him cry himself to sleep. And oh ya- Get his stomach stapled. That is unless, of course, you don't want a child anymore.
Idiot parents. This is disgusting.
And here I thought all Asians were skinny no matter what...
A fat white kid and a black skinny kid partake in a dance battle. Who do you think is going to win? Who's got the moves?
White boy for the win?!?
Okay, probably not, but he did have some sweet moves! And it's obvious he got his inspiration from sports like boxing and baseball... And wiping poop off his shoe.
Tweet I've been meaning to post this since Friday, but.. well, I have no real excuse.
For the stragglers or slackers who may have somehow missed this, check out this little 10 year old girl sing Lady Gaga's "Born This Way." [Pretty sure she's been on Ellen before, BTW. I'll look into it.]
INCREDIBLE, right?! It's amazing how different people can make a song sound so much more real. Maybe this means the future of music will be talented again.
love, elizabethany
PS: I'm NOT saying Gaga's not talented, because she is... But you'd never know it unless you watched her acoustic or old stuff.
Tweet When I say this is something you should watch, I mean it. When I say it's something inappropriate, I mean it's REALLY NSFW. Save it for later if that's where you're at. [Unless, of course, you work at a cool place like me.]
This claims to be from a children's program in Belgium......
Uhh... eh... hmmm... I.... I'm speechless. I'm not a prude by any means, but if I saw my little 4 year old watching this, I'm not sure what I'd do. I think I'd probably just do the old school faint hard on the floor.
Yea.... Still speechless....
love, elizabethany
UPDATE: My dear RWDC producer BFF did some research and found out that this is actually from a comedy show in Belgium. Phew. Still- I don't see it being aired on any American TV besides HBO after hours.
