Tuesday, August 11, 2009

the adventures of slutty cat

I don't normally write about my life on here... Or at least I try not to. This is definitely worth sharing, though.

Let me introduce you to my cat, Joey. AKA JoJo. She's named after Joe Gibbs. Ya know, the old Redskins coach?!

After finding out today that she's preggers and witnessing her antics this summer, she also has 2 more nicknames-- Slutty Cat and Hooker Girl.

Anyways, I shall share with you the Adventures of Slutty Cat now.

It all started back in October of 2006, when I was a fat brunette, and she was just a little kitten. [Okay, I won't tell the whole story like this.] Let's just say she loved my guy friends the most... Especially if they were black.

Fast forward til now, after she had to move in with her grandparents [my parents, duh] and uncles [my brother and my other cat, Biggsby, who is also named after Joe Gibbs... In a weird way. That's him in the picture.]

Uncle Biggsby is her protector. If she gets outside and he knows it, he finds her and makes her come back inside. Swear to goodness.

Enter Baby Daddy. [I don't know his name, so this is what I shall call him. I also don't have a picture of him, I just know he looks something like this next picture... AKA a lot like Uncle Biggs.]

Baby Daddy lives somewhere on the street and comes to pick JoJo up either at the back door of our house or by the shed. Slutty Cat escapes uncontrollably from the house and runs off with her boo. Biggs always goes out to find her but sometimes it takes a little longer than usual. Other times, he doesn't even know she's gone.

I think that's when trouble happens.

One time when Uncle Biggsby went out to find her at night [it musta been a wild cat party], he came back all cut up and bruised. Mom says he got in a fight with Baby Daddy down by the pool!! It was a nasty fight, and of course Joey sat on the side and watched. What a p-word.

So basically... Uncle Biggs was trying to bring his babygirl inside and fought Baby Daddy, who must be some sort of thug, because we had to rush Biggsby to the hospital!

Fast forward a couple months and I bring you to today. We found out Slutty Cat is officially preggers, and she can't go outside to meet her boyfriend anymore. [Yes, I am 100% sure this was a monogomous relationship and not a one night stand. He comes to pick her up way too often.]

I'm sure she's going to be really upset.. Not only is this ruining her figure, but her reputation is going down the drain as well. Plus, I'm now forced to find Baby Daddy and get him to pay some child support no matter what it takes. [I have to fight the battle because she's just a minor..]

For the record- I am very excited to be a grandmother and my brother is excited to be a great uncle. I even cleaned my room and set up a bed for her to get ready to have her babies. [The doc said it could be any day now!] She loves it already!

My parentals.. Not so happy to be great grandparents. My grandfather hates the idea of being a great-great grandfather so much that he's said my mom should make a Craigslist posting giving away a cat, kittens, and a daughter.

As for you guys- You should be excited too! Not only will I have some kittens to give away to anyone who will give them a good home, but I play on U-Streaming the entire birthing event whenever it happens! I've never seen anything like this so I'm very excited! If you want to know when it happens, make sure to follow me on Twitter!!

I will keep you updated on the sitch as time goes on! I hope you enjoy this crazy cat story as much as I do! It only shows how much animals can be like humans!

I wonder where the Maury of cats lives...?



George said...

If it wasn't official before, you now are officially "Cat Lady" Yesss.

Anonymous said...

You are a dumb bitch for not spaying your cat like a responsible person would do. Thousands of cat are put to death every year because of people like you. THANKS