Monday, March 23, 2009

you're under arrest, mr. x-rated

I'm sure you've heard of random laws throughout your, or other states across the US. There are tons. More specifically, there are a LOT that involve sexual-actions. But here are the top 10 things that will put you in the slammer if you do them:

10. In Utah [the nation's leading porn-using state], feel free to have relations with animals! Just don't do it for money!

9. In Massachusetts, make love to a rodeo clown as much as you want... As long as a horse isn't around.

8. To all of my DMV people, be careful of your position! And I don't mean job position. If you do the hanky panky in Washington, DC in any other position besides missionary, you're a criminal.

7. Another state is totally okay with doin' it like they do on the Discovery Channel, but make sure that your animal is under 40 pounds.

6. If you need any spicing up in Alabama, don't add any toys. That's a no-no.

5. In the "Show Me State" of Missouri, women literally have to show what they've got hiding behind their clothes. They can't wear a corset because it denies "the privilege of the normal red blooded American male... admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman..."

4. In Tennessee, no high-schoolers are experiencing Sadie Hawkins Dances! It is illegal for a female to ask a male out on a date.

3. If you love fishing in Minnesota, and you're a female, feel free to do what you want with the fish. Men, however, are not allowed to have sexual relations with live fish.

2. Florida has always said you can't poke a porcupine. [Why would you want to?!] But now they're saying you can't poke ANY sort of animal. And by now, I mean the law just went into effect a couple of weeks ago.

1. In California, feel free to travel down to H-E-Double hockey sticks and jump in bed with Satan. The only requirement is to wear a condom! We don't want any Satan babies!!!

So, hopefully you haven't committed any of THESE crimes! [Well, I'm sure most people have actually committed one. But hopefully it's the NORMAL one on this list....]

If you have... Stop. You're officially weird.


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