Monday, January 19, 2009

morons on monday 011909

It's been a LONG time since I've done Morons on Monday, but it's back for this holiday-Monday!

First off, I think 98% of Americans have seen "A Christmas Story," and if you haven't, then you've at least heard of when the boy's tongue gets stuck to the pole because it's cold outside.

Well, leave it to this little Kansas boy to find out if the "myth" is fact or fiction.

Rather than taking his parents' word for it, he just stuck his little tongue to a basketball pole. And instead of asking for some help, he eventually ripped it off himself. Ouch!

He seems to be talking okay, though.. So that's good. Guess he didn't lose his tongue or anything!

Now, imagine you're waiting for a package to come to your house, you're so excited, and finally, it's here. It doesn't look exactly like what you thought it would when it arrives, but you don't hesitate to open that sucker up.

Then, BAM! It hits you like a brick of 30 pounds of weed. Because that's exactly what it is.

Yes, 30 pounds. Of Mary Jane. Delivered to the WRONG house. Can we say "WOOPSIES!"??

This guy took it straight to the po-po's.

Okay, first of all. HOLY WOW! That is a SERIOUSLY LARGE AMOUNT of weed. What the heck. How do people even come up with that much?!

Second, it always amuses me when cops confiscate weed, or receive it like this. I, probably like most of you, assume that they take their share of it for "personal investigation," if you will. I'm sure they had quite the ..interesting.. day.

And as for the UPS guys.. Way to go. Way to deliver something so newsworthy to the wrong house. This is what we hope to hear about every day! Bravo for your stupidity and errors!

Speaking of being on the job.. Kind of.. If you were a lawyer, on a major murder case, how would you prepare to defend the man being accused of killing someone?
A) Read over all of your notes profusely, making sure you know everything.
B) Choice A, plus have a super strong martini, and a side of Jack on the rocks to ease your nerves.
C) Snort some cocaine.. During the proceedings.

Well, duh, the answer is C. At least for Mr. Charles Ramsay. He decided to bring in 5 grams of coke, and snort it in the conference room of the court, during the jury trial!!!

When he came back, the investigators noticed him touching his face like he had just breathed something in through his nose, and then found traces of the white powder in the conference room where he had just been.

The case was handed over to the sheriff's department, and Ramsay was arrested, obviously. And now he gets to feel like a moron for working within the field he does, and still not knowing to pick up every piece of evidence left behind.

Congratulations, guy. You officially learned nothing while serving the courts. And now you have no job.

Finally, another moron on the job. We all know texting isn't the best thing to do while driving, but hey, it's probably okay when you're high in the sky flying a helicopter right?!

Well, most of us would say no to this question. Genius Morgan Saxton was apparently so addicted to texting [even the picture that friends submitted to the papers of him shows it], that he couldn't stop even while flying a helicopter.

So, well, the worst of the worst happened. He crashed. Into a lake. And no, it didn't turn out anything like the plane that went into the Hudson River last week. Unfortunately, he's up even higher than the sky, at this point.

I'd hate to call you a moron, and I'd rather just say R.I.P., but seriously.. Why would you do that? You're in a FLYING object. Not something on the ground. Goodness.. I wouldn't be able to take even a finger off of the controls/steering wheel/whatever they use in those things if I was up there.

Well, even though some of these ended not so well for people, I'd still like to thank them for doing IDIOTIC things so that us reporters have something interesting to tell besides the dull and boring stories that remind everyone the economy is dead. So, thank you.


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