Wednesday, January 7, 2009

hide these things

Ladies, when you walk into a guy's house.. There's some things you don't really want to see. If I could say a few, I'd probably think a used condom wrapper or maybe some girly potpourri.

But, Men's Health thinks otherwise. They have 18 things that a grown man should never have, and these are them:

1. A black eye.. Unless of course, you hit the rim mid-dunk.
2. A witty email signature.. This goes for text messages too.. Keep it plain, simple, and to the point.
3. An empty fridge.. Always be ready to throw a party, or cook a meal for your lady.. Depending on the situation.
4. PlayStation thumb.. Don't sit on the game systems so long that you have calluses. You're missing out on REAL life.
5. A bottle-opener keychain.. This is the sign of a college student, not a man. Use your lighter, fork, or table top.
6. A lucky shirt.. Any shirt can be lucky if you realize that the harder you work, the luckier you'll be.
7. An unstamped passport.. Get out every once in a while.
8. Olympic dreams..
9. Less than $20 in his wallet.. A real man should be able to pick up coffee, bagels, and the Sunday paper without busting out the plastic.
10. A name for his penis.. Never is this okay. Not even if you think it's clever.
11. Any beer that costs less than $20 a case.. You're better than that now.
12. The need to quote classic/funny movies.. Come up with your own lines, don't use others'.
13. A futon.. No matter what you think, a bed is always better.
14. Code words for ugly women.. Or code words for anything, for that matter.
15. A Nerf hoop in the living room.. If you're going to have it, put it in the rec room. Or someone else's office. Keep it classy in the living room.
16. A secret handshake..
17. Drinking glasses with logos.. Especially if it has Chuck-E or the Hamburglar on it.
18. A recent story that contains the phrase "So I said to the cop"... Never is this okay.

When I first read this list I thought, "Wow, I don't think I know ANY guys who don't have ALL of these things." Then I realized they're talking about grown men, and most people I know are in college, so maybe it's an exception.

Then I looked back over it, and there are some things that I definitely do not agree with. For instance, secret handshakes are bonding time, and logo drinking glasses are probably free. Or at least represent something.. Maybe even the Redskins!

And, why can't a man have a case of beer for under $20?! Personally, I love a good case of Frost Blue Liners!

And as for a bottle opener keychain.. Maybe it represents the college years or whatever.. But hey, sometimes it's just easier to be more convenient than "manly." So I'm all about it.

What are 18 things a woman shouldn't have, fellas? Any ideas? Maybe that could be a good top-10 topic for some Thursday.

Either way, let me know your thoughts!

As for you, Men's Health... Sometimes NOT growing up is better than being all grown and boring and sticking to the rules.


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