Wednesday, October 1, 2014

the everyday struggles of a former big booty girl

Once upon a time, I had one of the most magnificent butts. It was a part of my gymnast body. Small-small-small up top then BAM. A booty of 100% muscle.

Then.... I got fat, then lost the weight... and along with it, my ass.

Some people worry about losing their flat abs they once had, I'm pissed no one is calling my butt "its own planet."

I've noticed some other friends of mine have also lost their signature body part, so I'm assuming people can relate to this list. If you can't, at least you can feel my everyday pain and torture.
  • Songs like "All About That Bass" or "Baby Got Back" come on and at first you're all YEEEAAAHHHH THIS IS MY JAM... before quickly realizing that you should sit your non-ass down and shut up. 
  • You crop pictures not because you're fat, but because you're flat
  • When someone else is told their ass is nice or big, you feel immediate [not slightly justified] hate for that person.
  • Finding jeans or size small bottoms that actually fit bothers you. 
  • You try every "booty boot camp" exercise, and get frustrated when they don't work immediately.
  • You're constantly looking at your profile in the mirror trying to convince yourself there's still something there.
  • Looking back on old pictures doesn't hurt because you miss your friends... you miss your badonk. 
  • You have to endlessly search for jeans that will give it an illusion of being bigger and rounder, something it used to do on its own.
  • You feel like you're going through an identity crisis because WHAT WILL YOU BE KNOWN FOR NOW?!
  • You know your body has absolutely nothing to offer now.
  • It takes everything in your being to admit it... if you ever do.
All good things must come to an end, I guess... and pictures like this must be retired.


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