visiting a monkey house in costa rica

I sat down to start writing my Costa Rica blog when I realized there was one part of the trip that absolutely deserves its own post... and also deserves the first post. Our trip to a "monkey house."

There was really one main reason we wanted to go to Costa Rica- in all of the pictures I've seen, there have been monkeys running around like squirrels. When I did more research, I realized that's an internet thing and not necessarily a real thing you can expect. After even more research, I really couldn't decide where to go to make sure I was able to touch a monkey. 

We decided to talk to one of those people who try to make you spend way too much for some excursion at a hotel and said to cut the BS- all we care about are some monkeys. He told us to meet a cab driver who would take us to a place five minutes away... the "monkey house."

This guy, Chino, took us through a neighborhood while we all thought we were definitely getting scammed and probably doomed, then ended up in someone's yard who had dozens of monkeys running around. It was literally someone's house who grew fruit that the monkeys loved. Nothing official, nothing you can find on the Internet.

The Monkey House yard

Chino grabbed us some bananas, told us to stand by the tree holding them, and BAM, just like that- monkeys were running up to us, on us, grabbing the bananas, and being much more friendly than even I could imagine. If you know one important thing about me, it's that only two things can make me smile on a rough day: doing gymnastics, and watching monkey videos. I was in Heaven. 

Not gonna lie, I was scared, but so happy, amazed, and just everything. 

They loved selfies, gave serious side eye, and even straight chilled on us.

There's no such thing as too many monkey pictures so here are my favorites. 

 Unfortunately, there's an unhappy but hilarious way this story ends, my friends.

We were warned from the beginning to stay away from the "alpha" monkey. It was obvious which one he was. He watched from afar and had a bigger "beard" than the rest. If he got upset, we'd be in trouble with wild animals.

At one point, there were four monkeys on my man. Two of them started fighting each other, and Alpha was not pumped about that. He must have ran from 50 yards away to attack his leg, start screaming very loudly, then run back. It was so quick none of us really knew what had happened, but he had a scratch on his leg and a really small puncture. Chino and his friend did some of their Costa Rican witchcraft [pouring alcohol on it], acted like it was nbd, and kept handing us bananas.

Uhhh, I think I'm done here.

Two of them, neither one the Alpha, were inseparable from each other, and making this face:

Chino: "Oh they're smiling!"

All of us: Uhhh, you have a different idea of smiling than we do."

We took a few more pictures [because priorities], left, had some drinks, and decided to worry about whether or not it was a real issue later. 

Everything has been fine for him, but the next day we heard a different story from Chino when we saw him in the lobby. Another man he took to the house had worn a hat that the monkey took off his head. When he went to steal it back, monkey was not happy. Monkey fought back. Human went to hospital for stitches. 

So... if you're going to be in the Puntarenas area like we were... think about how badass you feel that day. Are you too scared or are you ready to take a risk? Are you ready to fight a monkey for a hat? We need you somewhere between those things. Fighting a monkey is bad. Do not go find Chino for the Monkey House if you think a hat is important. Stay in your hotel. Go get a pina colada.. and then still stay there even when it may seem like a good idea again.

More on Costa Rica very soon.

love,
elizabethany

PS I made that very dramatic graphic for Pinterest purposes, of course. 

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the time my dreams came true and i played with a monkey

For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to play with a monkey. Preferably a chimp, but I've become so in love with them it's borderline crazy. If I go to the zoo, the families hold their kids back from me because I'm right on the glass giggling like a four year old on shrooms. Seriously.

My mom tried to get me one for my sweet sixteenth, but couldn't. I saw a guy with one at a bar on Halloween and immediately went home to research breeders, but never really got to hold it or anything. And for the past two years, The Monkey Man has been teasing me with a visit. They say he's coming, I shed tears of excitement, then something happens and I'm left here heartbroken.

Well, they finally came through!!!!!!!!!!

I had no idea what kind of monkey it was going to be; I wanted to be surprised [but obviously hoped for the ultimate].

Meet Django. And look at how freaking excited I am.

They came because they're going to be at the Super Pet Expo as usual. The ironic thing about that is.... he wants to show people that monkeys are NOT good pets. They're illegal in a lot of places [we had to get a permit to shoot this video in this county], and they live 35-45 years. That's way too much of a commitment, yo.

Also, she was a little unpredictable. She ABSOLUTELY listened to her daddy, but she attacked me after I did some spirit fingers because apparently that's a sign for "let's rough house" to monkeys. If you watch the video from Facebook live at the end of this post, you can see it go down around the 4 minute mark.

For now, let's just admire the pictures of me being in Heaven.

She prefers french kissing. 

And isn't very ladylike.

Mama Plog said her face was ugly. BLASPHEMY. She's adorbs.

We played patty cake, catch, and even got some tickling in. Django's laughing was the best. What a cute little cackle.

This is my favorite pic of me and my new BFF. I'm so excited and she's all "WTF this B is so excited, calm the bleep down."

Obviously had to take a selfie to wrap up the playdate. I didn't get the duckface memo and I'm very sad about it.

"The Monkey Man" has been an entertainer all his life, which makes sense. I can only imagine how much he and Django get paid to show up at some kid's birthday party, do some magic, freak the kids out, and make sure he's the only Monkey Man around.

If you wanna experience most of it with me, here's what went down on Facebook.

IM WITH A MONKEY
Posted by Elizabethany Hot on Friday, March 11, 2016

Django, I'll miss you... but I wish you'd at least introduce me to one of your Chimp friends sometime... in return for the "love scratches" on my face. Geez.

love,
elizabethany

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watch: robin williams has a tickle fight with a gorilla

My obsession with monkeys is a little extreme, but how can you NOT think they're awesome?! Especially after watching this video...

Robin Williams meets KoKo, and after taking his glasses, all KoKo wants is a good ol' fashioned tickle fight.



She took his glasses and wore them! KoKo totally fell in love with Robin. And all the signing... gah, I'm just obsessed. I don't know how I missed this video when it was originally posted!

And don't get all "they can snap and become scary instantly" on me, cuz I don't wanna hear it. All gorillas and monkeys are awesome and nice and caring and yeah. All things great.

love,
elizabetha

PS: My always has to be perfectly correct on everything BFF corrected me, "gorillas are not monkeys, they're apes." I feel the same about apes and monkeys. I don't discriminate, nor do I care a whole lot about what I wrote being "wrong." To me- monkeys are all the different types of animals that are just like humans, but.. well.. aren't.

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watch: baboons invade a house through a window

Y'all. This is like.... watching my Heaven exist on Earth.... but in a land not near mine. It's tear-jerking, but I love it.

An entire army of baboons broke into this guy's neighbor's house, and he filmed the whole thing. Literal sh!t is flying everywhere, but it's the most beautiful thing....

[Make sure you make it to 2:15ish at least, where they start yelling at one to get out through the door, as if it understands English.]


Seriously. I don't care about the damage done. I don't care if they start barking at me or whatever they're doing... I want baboons to live near me, and I want to leave my window open. I'll keep Slutty and Nugget safe, but they're welcome to anything else in here, as long as I get to play too.

Goodness, that's awesome. I need to move to a country with cooler animals.

love,
elizabethany

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smiling animals will make you smile

I still see people tweeting about looking for things to help them smile again, now that we're also remembering the anniversary of the VT shootings. I'm here to help, my friends.

Nothing can make you smile more than another smile. Make it another smile from an animal and hot diggity damn we got ourselves a winner.... or 20.

Did you make it through without cracking a smile?! If you say yes, I'm calling BS. There's absolutely no way that's even possible, you liar.

love,
elizabethany

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monkey steals camera and acts adorable

#FunFact: Monkeys are my absolute favorite animal in the freaking world, and even though they rip humans to shreds, I still want one in my home.

So when I see stories like this of a monkey using a photographer's camera in the wild, playing with it, and hamming it up for the lens, I MELT.

This little guy was apparently fascinated with his reflection and the sound the camera made, so he took a bunch of pictures of himself! SMILING!

And then took a picture of the GUY!

I want to see more. I want to see the rest. NOW. Seriously. It could get dangerous if I don't see them. Apparently it happened three years ago but no one knew about it, but still.. where's the book?!

Too. Freaking. Cute.

Monkeys- You're so smart. I would say stop it, but it's too cute.

love,
elizabethany

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watch: first look at the hangover 2

Are y'all ready for another Hangover?!
Well, the good kind, obviously.

We have our first look at Part 2 of "The Hangover" and it looks INTENSE.



Oh, sweet Baby Jesus they lost Doug again. BUT THEY HAVE A MONKEY! Monkeys make everything better.

This shows little to nothing about the movie, besides the fact that it shouldn't disappoint.

...or so we hope.

love,
elizabethany

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watch: monkeys discover the camera

I know I say this a lot, but this time I really mean it.

This is one of the most amazing, remarkable, whatever videos I've seen in a very long time.

Everyone tries to deny that chimps and monkeys aren't anything like humans, they're stupid, we could have never been "one of them."

I call false statement.

Check out what happens when you put a "hidden" camera in a place where they're living. They're going to notice, and they're going to find it very suspicious, just like a person would.



Is it not incredible how they notice it, try to look inside, and do whatever they can to figure out what the eff this thing is that seems to be staring at them?!

He even tried to get above it to trick the camera! GENIUS!

And could he be ANY more precious?! Look at those eyes! So. Freakin'. Great.

Ugh. I want a chimp so damn bad it's not even funny. I'm just a little afraid he would hack into my computer and exploit me.

love,
elizabethany